


That one feeling

by Jaceisweird



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Mentions of Dreacury, Mentions of Rape, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2020-01-20 17:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 25,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18529327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaceisweird/pseuds/Jaceisweird
Summary: It was one fight.. why the hell did Roger storm out after one fight? It had been three months and Brian was still asking the question. He looked at his paper. 'Queen's Drummer, Roger Taylor still missing'





	1. man on fire

Roger pov

The day had started good enough. It seemed it would only be a matter of time before the sense of hopelessness and depression took over. Roger considered not going to rehearse with the band but went along with it anyways.

Roger sighed, he would much rather prefer laying in bed, wallowing is pity; instead he was playing the drums the best he could. But at the moment his best was hardly mediocre. It went without saying that it was irritating the rest of the band. The tone that Freddie used when he told them to re do it was a dead give away, along with the look Brian and Deaky gave each other everytime Roger missed a beat. 

By the 15th time he could tell all of them had enough, "Do you mind playing correctly, Roger?" Brian had said indignantly

Instead of telling them how he was feeling he just reacted with anger, "Oh, and you're so good yourself?"

"At least I'm trying," Brian retaliated 

"And you think I'm not?!" John visibly rolled his eyes and Freddie sighed.

"Well you aren't playing like it!"

Roger's face became flushed, "You just want us all to be bloody perfect! Well guess what Brian, there's such thing as perfect!"

Brian stepped closer, "I know for a fact , that even if perfect existed, you are as far from it as possible,"

"And what does that mean?" Roger narrowed his eyes

"You have a different lover every night, you get drunk too much, you flaunt almost everything, when you get hurt you expect me to pick up the pieces. Oh, Poor Roger Taylor go into another bar fight. Oh poor Roger Taylor got stood up by some girl. Poor Roger Taylor has a bad hangover. One day I won't be there to pick up the mess of a human you are,"

The air was stiff. There was no sound. It took all of Roger's willpower to not breakdown right there, "That was a bit harsh," Freddie spoke finally.

"I'm just stating the truth," Brian responded

"An exaggerated truth, but ok," Deaky said 

Roger could feel his eyes water, he couldn't cry. Not in front of Brian. He bolted out the nearest door. The cold harsh winter air felt sharp and painful, but nothing could compare to what Brian had said. Roger ran as far as his legs could carry him. He didn't have anywhere to go, he knew his mates would go to his home to look for him. He didn't know if Deaky or Freddie would want him at his house, and Brian... He couldn't face Brian. 

He sat on a park bench and broke down. Low and shallow sobs escaped his mouth. He was shivering from the intense cold. There was only one thing he could do to drown his sorrows. He regathered strength and stumbled into the nearest pub in sight.

He was recognized by a tall brute type man. Roger wasn't in the mood for fans, he wasn't in the mood for anyone or anything. 

"Selfish wanker thinks he's all that because he's in a band, does he even realize that if he left the band no one would notice?"

That was all Roger needed, he stood up and left. He didn't plan on coming back anytime soon, maybe ever. The band didn't need him. Even if he didn't admit it, he needed the band.

But they didn't want him. He went through his choices of what to do. He looked at the tall surrounding buildings, he thought maybe dying would be better from the comfort of his home. He thought considering his options, maybe death wasn't the answer but it seemed so easy. Maybe he had always wanted to die. Maybe now he was just going to go through with it. He needed out. He stumbled along a path. The day couldn't possibly get worse. 

That's what he thought...until a hand grabbed him around his waist and pulled him into a dark alley.


	2. Hooked on to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was gone, what more could they do

Of course his first instinct was to run, but his movements were limited due to the alcohol and the man's strength.

"You're one hot bitch," He said into his ear sending shivers.

"Do you know who I am?!" He screamed.

"Truthfully I don't, but I plan on finding out," He grabbed his right arm tightly causing bruises to form. Roger winced as he dragged him along the alley to a white van. That's never a good sign. He was thrown into the back of the van, bound, and gagged. Someone stabbed him with a needle. As his vision clouded he let himself only think of one thing, Brian.

Brian pov

Roger had been missing for 48 hours. Brian wanted to just believe he was getting rid some steam

Of course that wasn't the case. Freddie suggested that they should consider filing a missing persons report, Brian was too salty from their last fight to do so. He told him Roger would stumble back in after awhile, he would be wasted most likely. He would sputter out some over due apology. Brian would accept it, and everything would be mostly normal. But then they would fight again, the cycle would continue. He wouldn't admit it but he felt guilty for what he said to Roger. But it was the truth, well for the most part. He just couldn't help but feel jealous every time Roger would enter with a new girl. Then after some lousy heated argument with her, she would storm off leaving Roger exasperated. Brian, of course, would be there for him on the worst days. The days when Roger wasn't stubborn, or snarky were the worst. He would find Roger cooped up his his room or on the couch, looking off into the distance. Brian would try to snap him out of what ever trance had taken hold of him. But sometimes Brian couldn't deal with Roger's problems, after all he had many of his own. Roger had been paranoid for the past few weeks, telling them that a group of people had been eyeing him almost everywhere. They had all rolled their eyes in mockery. Sure Roger was pretty desirable, but it was doubted that anyone would want to kidnap him. 

It took three days without any news from Roger for them to become exceedingly worried. Freddie had went to the police, who thought the best way to find him was to notify the press. They jumped on it like wildfire. Asking for interviews left and right. They denied, wanting to keep to themselves. 

They were a week into the investigation when the first lead came in. Someone reported seeing a few men holding a body that looked like Roger and throwing him into a white van. This aroused panic in the band. Freddie and Brian didn't sleep. John was having nervous breakdowns left and right. Some days the would just cry together. Everyday they were told to prepare for the worst. Brian couldn't imagine a world where Roger was...no he couldn't process the thought. He kept those at bay. Brian would sit in Roger's room for hours hoping that just maybe Roger would walk in, say something idiotic and smile. Brian would tell him never do that again and they would hug and cry into each others shoulder. Brian promised that the moment they found Roger he would try to at least tone down the amount of fights they had. Brian just cared too much to lose him.

Roger pov

The days seemed to stretch on with seemingly no end. The people would come do their business and leave. It was a cycle that sadly Roger had slowly became known. He tried fighting at first, thrashing, biting, and kicking. But when he did that it would just be worse and he would end up more drained. He longed for his friends, his family. He had time to think about every decision he had ever made, how they all ended up leading him here. Sometimes he would just scream out of frustration.

He grew to know his new surroundings. The dark dank little hole he was stuck in. It was from plain ole bricks, and dirt flooring. A small loo in the corner of the room. He mostly stayed curled up in a ball in the middle of the room. He also started to learn all of the men who would come meet him. He gave them their own nicknames, there was scar face, somehow the most gentlest but the bar wasn't too high. Then there was ginger, he was the worst he wouldn't just force himself inside he would slit and cut while doing so. When he entered Roger would scream until his throat was so raw that if he tried to whisper the next day it would burn. The weirdest was raspy, named due to his raspy voice. He would sit and talk to him through it all. He would tell him sweet words that should be comforting but instead were terrifying. Then there's was tattoo, he was the one who took him. He had a large tattoo covering the right side of his arm. He was strong but would do his stuff and leave. The only thing the kept him sane was the thought of the band and softly singing songs. 

He cried himself to sleep every night. He wanted to apologize to Brian, Freddie, and Deaky for being a selfish prick. He came to realize that he might die. He never thought he would be in a situation where that seemed better than the current events of his life.

He kept time by marking how much weight he was losing and his hair growth. He hated lying in this puddle of his own sick. He was already revolted with himself. Being used as a slut was making it even better. 

He lost the energy to even speak, or move. He wanted it to be over...

Brian pov

Brian was becoming borderline delusional. Every time he saw someone blond on the street he would gain a little bit of hope that it could maybe be Roger, but it never ways. 

It had been around 3 months since he went missing. Freddie looked like absolute shit to say the least. His up beat nature had evaporated, John hardly even spoke he would just look, eyes glazed over, and Brian... He just couldn't deal he waited everyday expecting to see Roger. But he never came...but just maybe...


	3. Into the darkness I fled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he escaped

Roger pov

They had left the door open, holy shit they had left the door open. He mustered up what little strength he had left and ran. He ran despite the pain shooting through him. He ran and somehow dodged the guys chasing him. He pushed open the door to the outside world. He coughed and wheezed as the fresh air attacked his lungs. He laughed and cried. He kept running with one destination in mind, Brian's house. Hie feet eventually became cut and scratched. Be began to realize how messed up he was. He was incredibly malnourished, his hair reached his mid back. He was probably ill as well. He stumbled his way down the street, he looked like a ghost from afar.

The true reality that he was free didn't seem to hit him until he was standing outside Brian's door in the dead of night. The anxiety came pouring through his thoughts. What if Brian was still mad? What if he was disgusted? At this point it seemed the didn't matter so he knocked on the door anyways.

Brain pov

Who could possibly be at his door at 3:30 am, oh no. It was probably the police, here to tell him the news they were all afraid of. He shakily turned the door knob. On the other end, something that could be mistaken for a corpse stood on the other end. It was Roger, a very dead looking Roger, but Roger none the less. He had sunken in eyes and gigantic dark circles under his eyes. His cheekbones seemed unnaturally prominent under his pale skin. His hair was covering his eyes and was longer than it had ever been. 

Roger collapsed onto Brian, "Roger, Holy Fuck, Roger!" He carried him inside, laying him on his couch. Roger was hardly breathing. Naturally he would have called the ambulance but he needed his mates or he was going to break down. He fumbled for his phone and asked the operator for Freddie, he knew John would be there, ever since Roger was missing they were always together.

Freddie picked up, "Hello?" He said groggily

"Fred, it's...It's Roger..."

Brian heard movement on the line, "Did you find him?!"

"No..I,"

"Fuck! is he dead?!"

"No he just stumbled into my house,"

"Is he ok?"

"No... I think he might be really sick," Brian placed a hand on Roger's forehead, "He has a high fever,"

"Well call an ambulance, I'll be right over!" And just like that he hung up

Brian did as told and called the ambulance. They were over in less than ten. Freddie arrived as they were putting him in the back, "No!" it was Roger's scream that shook them all, "Brian don't leave me!" He choked out sobs.

"Rog-" he started

"Don't let them take me again! Please!" It was obvious he was not in his right state of mind. It didn't make the words they heard any less painful. Brian covered his mouth to hold back cries of his own.

"We need to let him know he's safe," Freddie said simply, "We don't know what he's been through, but if his current state is any correlation, it's safe to say it was close to hell,"

The hospital was quiet at 7:17 am. Freddie, Brian, and John all sat at Roger's bed side. He had woken up a few times, thrashing and screaming. It sounded like he was in true pain, the worst part was there wasn't anything they could do to fix it. There was a chance he wasn't going to ever get better. The doctor said that the amount of physical damage was probably not nearly as bad as the emotional damage. He looked so small and hopeless. Brain reached for his hand. Roger was back. He just needed to make sure. He knew the moment the press found out the would pounce on them. There was a slight chance that Roger might not survive and a bigger chance that he might not ever recover. Brian had heard stories about victims who were never the same. He read articles depicting their lives. They would just wallow, not speak, act like a shy toddler unable to care for themselves. Brian couldn't imagine that from Roger. He couldn't imagine having to comfort Roger if he woke up in the middle of the night screaming. Of course he would comfort him without another thought. But Roger Taylor, womanizer, drummer, stubborn, silly, compassionate Roger Taylor, was going to have to deal with all this shit. But the fact that he might loose the Roger they had all known for what seems like forever just can't be possible.

He shifted in his seat, gazing upon Roger feeling incredible sorrow, he hoped with all his heart that it would be alright. 

Freddie seemed to figure out what he was thinking, "Darling I'm sure it'll turn out fine. I mean, it's Roger,"

Brian smiled softly, "You're right, we'll get him through this. One way or another,"

"We're a family that's what families do,"

"Freddie, I think there's a reason I get so mad about him jumping from girl to girl,"

"And why is that?"

"I think I love him," 

Freddie hesitated before replying, "Well if that's the case you should tell him,"

Brian groaned, "But he's as straight as a line,"

"That's what I thought about yet here we are,"

Brian chuckled. He looked at Roger who was looking right at them with wide eyes.


	4. Everything will Be Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger has a nightmare, Brian helps

Brian pov

Did Roger hear what they were talking about? Brian hoped not. Roger's eyes didn't even look like the were focusing, they were just starting into an open void. Roger sat strait up in the bed almost knocking over the heart monitor, "hey, hey Rog it's ok. You're safe," Brian reassured.

"Brian?"

"Yes?"

"Is it really you," Roger looked like he was going to bawl.

"Yes, it's me,"

Roger weakly gestured to the rest of them, "Are they really them?"

"Of course it's us Blondie," Freddie replied softly.

And just like that Roger started sobbing, this woke up John who had been trying to sleep.

All three of them just engulfed Roger in a hug. It was a bittersweet moment, " I am so so sorry for acting like a selfish prick all the time!"

Brian was taken aback, "Roger, you don't have to feel sorry about anything,"

"We love you, we're a family," John added

"But I-" Roger was cut off

"Roger, when you went missing we almost went mad," Freddie chuckled, "Brian and John...Well I thought I might loose them too. I think I may have lost my self for a bit. But the point is, despite how much we fight and look like we want to rip out each others throats, we love each other. We would die for one another. So don't you dare go around feeling guilty. Because trust me we've all been pricks before," Freddie ended with a comforting smile.

Roger rubbed his eyes, "How long was I gone?"

"Three months..." Replied John

"Roger, I know this might be hard but we really need to know what happened,"

Roger bit his lip and shifted, "I don't think that's important,"

"It's pretty important, so we know how to help you,"

"It was Hell on Earth," He said simply. It was clear he wasn't going to relent any information anytime soon. They decided they wouldn't press on, in fear that he would have a breakdown. 

Roger pov

Roger was back, he was home. He was around his family and friends. Thats what mattered. His brain still felt a bit scrambled though. He was having a difficult time truly comprehending things. Brian and Freddie were talking about something when he woke up. He couldn't quite recall what had been said. No matter, he was home. He smiled at them. They smiled back even though Brian's didn't reach his eyes.

He had to stay in the hospital for only one night, John and Brian had begged him to stay there longer just to make sure he was ok. But it didn't work, they gave in and took him home.

They made an agreement to each take turns watching him. Mornings and afternoon Freddie and John would stay, then at dusk and night Brian would be there. Roger didn't say it, but he was still guilty about being a bad friend. No matter how many times Brian apologized for what he said he just couldn't believe him. 

Brian pov

It was the 2nd night when hell broke loose. Brian was sitting on the couch and Roger was asleep. It was the blood curdling scream that pierced through the night. Brian shot up and ran to Roger's room. He saw him thrashing and screaming so loudly he would be surprised if the neighbors didn't call the cops. Brian rushed to Rogers side and attempted to shake him awake but it did no good. The sound was unholy, without context it sounded like he was being murdered. Brian cupped Roger's face, "Roger wake up," He said it loud enough to hear. Roger's eyes shot open. 

He was breathing heavily borderline hyperventilating, "Brian," He sounded drained and sad. It was close to the times when he was depressed.

"Roger, I know this isn't the best moment but you need to tell us what happened. We just want to help you,"

Roger shook his head, "You'd be disgusted with me,"

"Impossible,"

"I'm disgusted with myself, of course others will be!"

"Whatever happened wasn't your fault,"

"I must of done something down the line for this to happen. So, technically it is my fault,"

Brian shook his head, Roger no matter what will always be stubborn, "Rog, it could've happened to anyone,"

"But it didn't. It happened to me,"

"Roger no matter what it is, I won't be disgusted. I'm just worried about you. If you keep all of the information inside you it might just burn you out,"

Roger kept silent for a moment, "They would come and hurt me,"

"How so?"

Roger sighed and looked down, "They...," His breaths picked up, "They...ra..." He couldn't finish the sentence without breaking down into a loud guttural cry. Brian held him and let him cry it out. A few tears of his own streaming down his face. He knew what it was now. He made a silent promise to never let anything like that happen to Roger ever again. He could hardly imagine the pain that Roger had to go through. 

"You think I'm wretched. Don't you?" Roger sobbed

"No of course not! I am so sorry you had to go through that, but you are so brave! There is nothing wretched or disgusting about you. You are amazing,"

Roger made a call back to their previous fight, "But earlier you said I was as far from perfect as possible,"

Brian winced, "Roger, you do not know how much I regret saying those things to you. I was mad and jealous and I just exploded. I swear on my life that I didn't mean it,"

Roger sighed and leaned into Brian, "God Brian why are you such a saint?"

Brian wrapped his arms around Roger, "I suppose you just need one every once in awhile,"

Roger smiled, "That's why I have you,"

Roger pov

Roger couldn't shake this new feeling he had. The way he felt when Brian was near, sure it might be a high after not seeing him for 3 months but still. Could this possibly be... no of course not. Roger was a ladies man. He wasn't gay. And even if there was a part of him in love with Brian, he knew for a fact Brian was incredibly straight. Roger groaned softly out of frustration.


	5. Mama, We all Go to Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger looks back on his past with Brian.

Roger pov

He opened his eyes and took a moment to comprehend his surroundings. He was at his flat but he still felt the unreeling presence of being kidnapped, PTSD is what it's called. He sat up and looked to his left; Brian was sitting in a chair adjacent to the bed. Roger stretched and cringed as he did so. He had multiple bruises lining his rib cage. They were ugly and disgusting is what he thought. Luckily wounds heal. He might have a few scars but it was better than being dead. He stepped out side the bed quietly not wanting to wake Brian. He walked around the house not knowing what else too do. He groaned. His brain's thoughts wandered to Brian...again. Roger didn't know what it was but he just felt so close to Brian. Maybe it was because they had known each other for quite some time but Roger longed for something more. So, he wasn't gay. That was certain, but other options were still available. Maybe he was bi? He didn't really know. He paced back and forth. Maybe he could ask Freddie, he was pretty open about his sexuality. What if Brian didn't like him back? What if people didn't believe him? I mean he was a ladies man. But did that seriously mean he couldn't be a mans man as well? 

He could think back to a time when the simple idea of liking the same gender was a crime and people would murder so, "the gay didn't affect other good people,". He shuddered at the thought. He finally plopped himself on the couch and looked at the ceiling. He thought back to when he had met Brian. He was running down a hall and fell into him. Brian politely apologized before Roger could say something rude. Brian had his Guitar case slung over his shoulder.

"You play Guitar?" He had asked

"Yes, do you?"

"Yep, along with Bass, keyboard, and my personal favorite, drums," He had flashed a quick smile.

"Well my friend Tim and I are thinking of starting a band, and we will need a drummer,"

Roger couldn't believe his ears, "Thanks mate, but we just met,"

Brian shrugged, "We're kind of desperate,"

"Whats your name?"

"Brian May," He smiled 

"Well I'm Roger Taylor," They shook hands and went their separate ways.

Roger did of course end up being apart of their band, Smile. They had gotten to know each other well, but Roger was always closer to Brian than Tim.

He can still recall their first huge fight, "You missed the fucking performance!" Brian had yelled.

"I was shit faced, you wouldn't of wanted me there!"

"Well who was supposed to play the bloody drums then?!"

"I bet you could've found somebody in the time it took for you to wait for me,"

"You were drunk, weren't you..." The truth is he wasn't, he was depressed and had one of his worst days in years.

Roger shrugged, "You wouldn't know.."

"Roger I was worried you had been in an accident,"

"Good to know somebody cares," He had mumbled

"Of course I care!"

"I wasn't drunk,"

"Then why-" Roger cut him off

"I was depressed," He said it simply

"Oh," Brian thought for a moment, "I know how that is, I have had depression my whole life. If you ever need anyone I'm right here,"

Roger had smiled. They embraced each other for a while before letting go. 

Brian pov

Roger wasn't in his bed. Brian became panicked. Had he gone missing again? He leaped up from the chair he was sleeping in. He rushed into the living room, only to find Roger lounging on the couch, "Geez you look like you've seen a ghost," Said Roger

"I thought I had lost you again,"

"Well you didn't. Im perfectly fine,"

Brian shook his head and smiled. He loved Roger so much it was unbearable. He didn't know how but whenever something bad happened Roger always seemed to bounce back. There was once a time when Roger went to meet his father. Brian had been against it from the start but Roger instead that he would be fine, that was not the case. Roger stumbled back in with a bloody nose, a bruised cheek, bruised wrist, and red knuckles. That was the first time he saw him cry. He stood there until Brian hugged him. It was a pitiful cry that wouldn't be expected from someone like Roger. 

The next morning he had been perfectly fine. He acted as if nothing had happened. John had asked about it, concerned. Roger had waved him off and claimed it was a simple bar fight. 

Roger snapped him back into reality, "Have you ever thought what the band would be like if we had Tim instead of Freddie,"

Brian shrugged, "Every once in a while,"

"If we still had Tim we wouldn't have John, that would be tragic,"

"Hey Rog,"

"Yeah?"

"How do you act ok? I mean no offense but you just always some how bounce back,"

Roger's face was a mix of confusion and surprise, "I lie to myself. I make myself believe that everything will one alright. Sometimes it helps,"

"What if it doesn't,"

Roger shrugs, "When will Freddie be here?" he asked changing the subject

"In about 3 hours,"

"What time is it,"

"5 am,"

"Damn, I could've slept 3 more hours?"

"Yep,"

"Now I must wallow in my self pity of not sleeping," Roger joked

"What would I do without you Roger Taylor,"

Roger grinned, "Crash and Burn,"

They sat and talked for the 3 hours, not once bringing up the topic of Roger being kidnapped.

Freddie arrived with a grand entrance... as always, "I swear darlings if I didn't know any better I would think you two were a couple," Brian felt himself blush Freddie winked at him. What the hell was he doing?

Roger pov

He couldn't believe Freddie had said that. The look on Brian's face was a fusion of anger and embarrassment. Did that mean Brian would be embarrassed to be in a relationship with Roger. He must of frowned because Freddie added, "It was a joke,"

Brian stood up, "Yea I know,"

Roger felt a rush of disappointment, of course Brian didn't like him back.

Brian pov

Brian felt a wave of disappointment due to the look on Rogers face, there's no way he would like him back...


	6. But its better if you do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie and Roger have a heart to heart

Roger pov

Roger wanted to see Brian, it's not that he didn't like Freddie. It was just that well... they didn't have the same connection. Freddie was more like a best friend or brother. Roger sighed he was attempting to read a book but he found it exceedingly hard the focus.

He there the book on the ground in frustration. He looked at the clock, Freddie would be there for another hour, "Hey Fred, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Darling,"

"How did you know that you liked men?" Roger asked softly

Freddie pov

Freddie was not expecting this from Roger. Never the less he was glad to answer, "I think I always knew, it just took a little bit of growing up and self exploration," If Roger was asking this question because he liked men, that meant Brian had a chance. Time for Freddie to play match maker,

Roger pov

Freddie was being weird. He suddenly smiled for 5 seconds, "Why do you ask?" Freddie questioned

Roger shrugged, "Uh, no reason...just wondering,"

Freddie looked at him perplexed, "Well if you ever need to talk about anything you can always come to me, dear. For example say you had a serious crush on someone. You could tell me and I wouldn't tell a soul,"

What was Freddie getting at? Was it obvious that he liked Brian? He furrowed his brow. Maybe he could tell Freddie. He kept going back and fourth. He felt like he had to tell someone or he would go mad. He bit his lower lip and sighed, best do it now, "I think I like Brian, as in like, like him," Roger cringed at himself he sounded like a middle schooler confessing their crush to their best friend in the lunch room.

Freddie smiled widely, "That's great, darling!"

"How?! it's not like he likes me back,"

Freddie pov

Freddie had a problem, whether to tell Roger that Brian likes him back or not. He felt that he shouldn't force it and go behind Brian's back. This was an issue he did not plan for, "You never know," is what he managed to say. The look on Roger's face was a mix of hope and sadness.

"But he see's me as just a friend,"

"You never know," Freddie repeated

Roger hit him with a pillow, "Stop being cryptic,"

Freddie smiled and grabbed a pillow and hit him back. Within moments it became a pillow fight. They were giggling as feathers fell around them. 

Brian pov

Brian walked into what could only be expected from children, Freddie and Roger having a pillow fight. Roger looked genuinely happy. This warmed Brian's heart.

"You two seem to be having fun," 

Roger turned and smiled, "Brian! Join my team!"

Freddie let out a fake gasp, "Don't betray me!"

Brian chuckled and set groceries on the counter, "I feel like I'm living with children,"

Freddie imitated a gasp, "We are incredibly mature!" he said just as he whacked Roger again.

Roger dramatically fell on the ground, "I've been shot, man down. Bri help," he motioned grabby hands towards to Brian.

Brian rolled his eyes, "Is there a story behind this pillow fight?"

Freddie responded, "It is a long drawn out war between fire and Earth,"

"I wanna be fire!" Roger yelled still on the ground

"For years they have hated each other but today they said no more and finish this once and for all. I the ruler of the Earth Nation will defeat Roger Taylor of the Fire nation!" He said enthusiastically. 

Brian shook his head, "Ok get up Roger,"

"Yes and I ought to be on my way," Freddie added

Roger hopped up and waved to Freddie as he left the house, "What's for dinner?" Roger asked as he walked over two Brian who was setting things out on the counter.

"Salad,"

Roger groaned, "Seriously?"

"Yes seriously,"

Roger rolled his eyes, "Whatever," He pulled out a cigarette. 

Brian rushed over and grabbed it out of his hand, "Bri, what was that for?"

"The doctor said you can't smoke anymore,"

"But I need it," He whined

"No, you do not,"

"Well what am I supposed to smoke then?" Roger questioned

"Nothing! That's the point,"

"Can I at least have Vodka?"

"No," Roger glared, "Not yet at least,"

"You don't have to protect me like a child," Roger muttered under his breath.

"I know I don't have to, but I want to,"

"Same difference,"

Brian shook his head, "What type of dressing do you want?"

Roger hesitated, probably to be spiteful, "Italian,"

Brian nodded, "I do this because I care, Roger," 

Roger sat down, "Yea, I know,"

"I know it might seem like I'm babying you, but I'm just afraid you would do something and get hurt again,"

Roger shook his head, "I'm not that foolish,"

"I never said that you were fool," he caught himself almost starting a fight and stoped, "Point is, if you don't want me to stay then I won't but if you do. I promise I'll take care of you,"

Roger looked down, "I want you to stay," He said softly

"Ok," 

I wanted to confess right then and there. But what if it wasn't the time.

Brian placed a bowl of salad in front of Roger, "Now eat your salad," He smirked

Roger mocked a frown as he finished the salad, "See that wasn't so bad," Brian picked up the bowl and put it in the dishwasher.

Roger pov

Roger stood up and stumbled. His knees buckled. He caught himself before Brian could notice. If Brian found out that he wasn't as ok as he made himself to be. His vision blurred for just a moment. He scowled at himself. He walked back over to the couch and pushed a few of the feathers off the couch. Brian walked over, "God, you and Freddie made such a mess," he shook his head.

"There's a price for having fun,"

Brian smiled and rolled his eyes, "Do you want to watch a show, or movie?"

Honestly Roger could've replied with All I want to do Is kiss you. But he held back. Brian plopped down beside Roger. It took all of Roger's will to not lay his head on Brian's shoulder. God, he was so hopelessly in love.


	7. Hey moon, don't you go down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger can't sleep. Luckily Brian is there.

Roger pov

Roger couldn't sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he was back in that horrid place. He would remind himself that he was ok and back at home but then he remembered that those people were still out there. He and Brian had both fallen asleep one the couch after watching a movie. He looked at a clock that read 1:03 am. He groaned and shifted. The movement caused Brian to awake.

"Can't sleep?" asked Brian

"How did you know?"

"I can tell," Even though Roger could barely see in the darkness he knew Brian was softly smiling, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Roger sighed, "I think my brain doesn't fully comprehend that I'm out, whenever I see something or someone that sort of reminds me of the incident my brain clicks and I have of like an out of body experience," He explained

"So PTSD?" inquired Brian

Roger shrugged, "I suppose that's what it is,"

"Is there anything you need to avoid so it doesn't get triggered?"

Roger honestly couldn't answer the question. He didn't have any specifics. "Knives I guess,"

"Is that all?"

"All I can think of,"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"About what happened,"

"No, not really," He stopped. "But I think I'll feel better if I do,"

Brian nodded, "Go ahead,"

"The first time, Well I didn't know what was happening. They walked in. One of them held me down while the other...well you know. The entire time I was screaming. Eventually I gave up thinking they might let me go afterwards. Obviously the didn't. I bit one of the guys. The second time I was asleep. He burst in and threw my against the wall. I could feel my skull rattling. It was one of the most painful things. He attempted to choke me while doing so. They all had their own ways of doing things. The worst part was that they knew who I was. They knew that I was a huge missing person figure in the real world. At night I would sing somebody to love. I don't know why but I did. I would always hope someone would find me, maybe thats why. I cried for you multiple times. I started to realize there was a slim chance I would never see any of you again. I had regretted everything idiotic I had ever said in my years of living. Even if I don't necessarily fully believe in a higher power I still wondered if this was some sort of cruel punishment...am I rambling?"

Brian pov

Brian was crying, well more like silently sobbing. He couldn't believe Roger had to go through this. The simple idea was enough for Brian to break. He looked at Roger who seemed lost in some other world, "Am I rambling?" The question caught Brian off guard.

"No, you can say whatever you want,"

"Brian I think that I..."He trailed off

"That you what?"

Roger shook his head, "Never mind, its not important,"

Brian was perplexed but he was surprised he got Roger to talk this much about it. He wasn't going to press his luck, "Is there anything else�?" and yet he did

Roger hesitated, "Everyday I thought 'Today is going to be the day' but it never was. I soon found death as a much more appealing option, but then I thought 'what would Brian think? He wouldn't want me to give up' so I kept hope," in the darkness Brian could see a faint smile. 

"I'm glad you had hope,"

Roger nodded, "Are you crying,"

Brian wiped a tear from his face, "Yes,"

"I though I was the one who was supposed to be crying," Roger joked

Brian wrapped his arms around Roger in a tight embrace, "You don't know how much you mean to me,"

Roger laid his head on Brian's shoulder, "I certainly can't mean that much,"

"You do, Roger I lo," He stopped himself, "I really care about you,"

There was a noise that came from Roger that sounded almost like a disappointed sigh. But that couldn't be.

Roger pov

Why did I think he was going to say 'I love you?' Roger thought to himself. He wasn't going to deny that he was on the verge of telling Brian his feelings but he was too much of a pussy to do so. He worshiped every moment he spent with the other man. But the moment the sun went up, he was gone. It was like a tragic vampire love story. Brian was a hot vampire and Roger was the impressionable badass... never mind if he was the other character he would have to be simple, terrified, and helpless. Anyways with that aside Roger pulled away from the hug that was ever so sweet. He was closer to Brian now. Lips inches apart. Roger longed to kiss Brian. But now wasn't the time. Will it ever be the time. 

"What would you do if you like someone but you can't tell if they like you?" Roger asked

"I would tell them in a simple way. Why are you asking me?"

Roger freaked, "Well obviously because you're the smart one,"

Brian chuckled, "I will never understand you Roger Meadows Taylor,"

"The feeling is mutual Brian Harold May," They smiled at each other

This is what Roger wanted. He wanted to keep this version of Brian but he also wanted to date Brian. God why was this so hard? Then the unexpected happened Brian grabbed Rogers hand, "I'll stand by you, no matter what. No matter what you do, where you go. Even in the next life I will always be there for you. I can't shake this feeling that we were meant for each other," 

Was Roger dreaming. Taken out of context the words that had just emptied Brian's mouth almost sounded like wedding vows. He blushed heavily. Ok, so maybe there was a slight possibility that Roge liked him back. That was great but how was he going to confess his feelings. Now that there was a chance that Brian liked him Roger wanted to make it romantic. Maybe he was a just sleep deprived, but he knew one person who was the master everything romantic and extra. His name was Freddie Mercury.


	8. Waving Through a Window

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger wants to play again. He storms off.

Roger pov 

"I am ready to do performances again," Roger had simply said. Roger had called a meeting with the rest of the band.

Freddie, "Darling are you sure?"

Roger confidently nodded, "I'm sure of it,"

Brian sighed, "I don't think that's a good idea, Rog,"

Roger furrowed his brow, "It's a great idea,"

Brian shook his head, "A week ago you hardly left your bed,"

"I'm better now," Roger insisted 

"Here we go again," John said quietly to Freddie

"Just because you say you are doesn't make it true," Brian raised his voice a tad

"I'm better!"

"I don't deny that you are doing much better,"

"Then let me play again!"

"We can't risk anything,"

Freddie intervened , "Children please, I'm sure we could all fight about Roger wanting to play again, instead how about we just make a compromise?"

Roger heistated, "I suppose we could make a compromise,"

Brian nodded. They all released a sigh of relief, "Ok now that we've come to that agreement we need options, Deaky?"

John looked up, "Uh how about we practice and let Roger out of the house. He looks a bit pale,"

It was true Roger was pale, he hasn't seen the sun in ages. He can't recall what sunlight felt like. Ok, he was exaggerating a bit on that part, "I'm ok with that," Replied Roger.

"I'll allow that," Brian said.

"I don't need your permission," Roger muttered under his breath. Roger thought about his drums and had a panicked thought, "What if I've forgotten how to play?!"

Freddie chuckled, "I don't think three months could erase years of practice,"

"But it might,"

"I highly doubt it," 

Roger sighed and folded his arms, "I feel like you three aren't taking me seriously,"

"It's a bit hard, you sometimes look like an angry puppy,"

Roger shook his head, "I'm not even the youngest! Deaky is, but you treat him like he's more mature than me!"

Brian sighed, "He is,"

Roger rolled his eyes, "Well ok maybe. But I'm still not a child!"

Brian shook his head, "Don't be ridiculous Roger, no one treats you like a child,"

Roger was mad. He got up and ran out the door.

Brian pov 

Brian ran after him. He was somehow far down the road when Brian made it outside. He kept running, "Roger!" Brian yelled. Roger didn't pay him any attention.

Brian couldn't lose him again. The last time Roger ran off during a fight... well you know what happened. 

Eventually Brian caught up to Roger who was standing, frozen, "Roger what the hell!" Roger put a finger to his mouth to shush him, "Wha-" 

Roger placed a hand on Brian's mouth, "They're here," His voice wavered.

"The people who..." Brian trailed off

Roger nodded, "I can't let them see me," There were tears forming in his eyes, "I can't let them take me again," his breathing turned shallow, "Brian don't let them take me,"

Brian knew he was going to break. He grabbed Roger's hand and ran. The house was still a few blocks away. Roger stopped mid way, "C'mon Rog," Brian pulled.

Roger looked up at him teary eyed. He was hyperventilating, he collapsed. Brian caught him. Picked up bridal style and kept going. He was light, too light. Implying that Roger was highly underweight. 

Brian ran into the house. He placed a sobbing Roger onto the couch.

"What happened?!" Freddie and John ran over to them.

"Roger thinks he saw the men who kidnapped him," 

Roger sat on the couch shaking. Brian placed a hand on his shoulder, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" His scream sounded like something out of a horror movie.

No one spoke Brian took a step back, "Roger..."

Roger put his hands up in defense, "Please...don't hurt me,"

John stepped closer, "No one is going to hurt you,"

Roger flinched at the movement, "No more, I beg of you,"

Brian felt his heart breaking, "Rog, you're home, you're safe," He knew this would happen. He knew that after awhile Roger would break.

Roger seemed to be calming down, "B-but i was just there..."

"I think you had a PTSD attack, dear," Freddie replied.

Roger looked down, "Sorry," he said softly.

"Roger there's nothing to feel sorry about," 

Roer shook his head, "I freaked out over nothing,"

Brian stepped closer, "It wasn't nothing. You thought you saw the people who hurt you. It's very natural for you to act the way you did,"

Roger let himself fall onto Brian, "Thank you,"

Freddie and John shared a look. Brian held Roger and let him cry.

After a few hours Roger was back to his normal stubborn self, "It won't happen again, I swear!"

"I don't doubt that it'll start happening less, but we need to be cautious,"

Roger groaned, "This is a dictatorship,"

Brian rolled his eyes, "Fine, we'll keep the plan from before,"

Roger smiled, "Thanks, Bri, You won't regret it,"

Brian shook his head, "I hope I don't,"

"Brian, how come you are always there for me?"

"Because... because I love you...as a friend,"

Roger pov

Roger wanted to die then and there. Brian loved him as a friend. He was friend zoned. He silently swore. "Well I'm going to talk to Freddie," He said quickly and left.

Brian pov

Brian was confused about Roger's reaction, he was also disappointed in himself. He had the perfect chance to express his feelings and he blew it. 

Freddie pov

Freddie was working on a song when Roger burst into his room extremely flustered, "Brian said he only loved me as a friend!" he exclaimed.

It seems Freddie had to play match maker again, "Why don't you tell him how you feel?"

"Because I would get rejected!"

"Maybe Brian feels the same way,"

Roger shook his head, "No way. How will I even pull it off?"

"I could help you,"

"You would?"

Freddie nodded, "I've been waiting for you two to fall in love since... well for a long time,"

Roger looked at him, "That's kind of weird, but it doesn't matter. So what's the plan?"

"First things first you need flowers..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N sorry for this chapter being shit, I rushed a little bit. School was a problem. But I'll have at the least 7 chapters a week... I'll try but I may fail. Hope this wan't too bad. Also Comments and criticism is welcome as long as its not in a jerk sense.


	9. A guy that I'd kinda be into

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger tells Brian

Roger pov

Roger listened to freddie intently, "Buy him roses, yes other flowers might work but roses are extremely romantic. Then you need to set a mood. Maybe light a few candles dim the lights, but petals on the floor in a path. Play some music. Oh and buy a suit,"

Roger rolled his eyes, "I don't need a suit,"

"Darling, every first date needs a suit. Doesn't matter who's wearing it but i think it would raise a warning if you told Brian to come in a suit,"

Roger groaned, "What time of day should I do it?"

"None, do it at night. Where the moon shines bright and when you kiss it looks like a movie scene... would you be willing to wear a ponytail or would that cross the line?"

Roger looked at him dead in the eyes, "Cross the line,"

"Ok ok, anyways we need to get you prepped up. I can do most of it but we might need some help...Mary! She works at Biba maybe she could get you some clothes, let me go call her,"

Roger sat down as Freddie walked to the phone. He couldn't believe he was doing this. He was going to tell Brian how he felt. He needed a plan, like a script of what to say. He bounced his leg up and down and stared at a photo that Freddie had of the four of them. Roger had his head rested on Brian's shoulder. This made Roger think, 'How long have I been in love and not even known it?' or better yet, 'how long have I liked men?'. He thought back to seventh grade when a kid named Jake entered his class. Roger remembered being absolutely smitten and gushing about it to his sister. He thinks he told Jake but the guy laughed thinking it was a joke. 

Then there was junior year when he met Jeremy a frail jewish kid who had moved there because his Mum and Dad divorced. He fell in love but kept to himself. Jeremy became popular but ended up moving away.

Now there's Brian. Ever so wonderful Brian. Freddie reappeared, "So Mary will be here in a bit. She says she'll bring a suit,"

"Great,"

"You don't seem to excited..."

"The last time I told a guy I liked him he laughed,"

"Well Brian won't do that,"

"How do you know?"

"I just do, darling,"

"That's real reassuring,"

Freddie placed a hand on Roger's shoulder, "Just trust me," as he said the last word the doorbell rang, Freddie stood and went to it, "Mary! Roger, Mary's here"

Roger sighed and greeted Mary she held a bag that contained a suit, "I hope this is the right size," She handed him the bag.

"Thanks, Mary,"

She smiled, "No problem."

Roger left to try it on. It was navy blue velvet. He observed himself in the mirror. It fit perfectly. He hoped Freddie was right about all this, "Are you done yet?" called Freddie

"Yep,"

Freddie walked in, "I'm not going to lie, you look good," he smiled. Now sit down I'm going to do your hair.

"No offense, but I quite like my hair,"

Freddie raised an eyebrow, "If we let you grow it out anymore it would reach your arse," it was a huge exaggeration but he was right. It had grown out a lot. 

Roger sighed, "Fine,"

Freddie took out a pair of scissors, "I'm going to cut it to your shoulders, ok?"

Roger nodded. Freddie was a master at this. He managed to have it done and looking good in under 10 minutes. 

Roger looked in the mirror, he almost looked the way he did when he was kidnapped. He smiled giddily.

Freddie smiled softly, "Ok now we need to set up your house, luckily Mary picked up some roses."

They put roses in a vase and on the table. And lit some vanilla candles. Freddie did his best to make it look like something out of a "erotica novel". 

Roger paced around back and forth, "How much longer?" he asked Freddie

"Three minutes away. I think that's my cue to leave,"

"Wait!" Freddie turned, "If I screw this up it's on you,"

Freddie smiled, "You won't," and with that he left.

Roger was freaking out. He was contemplating whether to do it when the doorbell rang, "It's unlocked!" he yelled. He saw the door knob twist and Brian appeared.

Brian pov

Brian was beyond confused. He entered Roger's house and there were petals on the floor and candles lining the hallway. He looked and saw Roger in a suit. Roger stepped forward, he was holding a red rose, "Rog, what is this?"

Roger inhaled, "What I'm about to say is something I've held onto for awhile, and please don't respond till I'm finished. We've known each other for awhile now and I think I denied my feelings. Brian you are talented, smart, kind, amazing, original, and my everything. Whenever I'm with you I just feel safe. You make me feel wanted and worth something. You are everything I could ever want. When I was locked up most of my thoughts drifted back to you. You gave me hope to keep living, to not give up. You're always there for me. I can't recall a time when I've been at a low and you didn't come and save me," Brian couldn't believe this. It almost sounded as if Roger was proposing, "Since the day I met you, we have always been there for each other. Even when we fight it's usually because we care. So here's a long story short, Brian May I love you, and more than a friend,"

Brian felt his face blush. This was it, this is what Brian had always hoped for. This is what he had waited for what seemed his whole life for. Roger liked him back, not just liked; Roger loved him back. The words still processing left him speechless. He felt like all the stars collided just for this to happen. He stumbled over his words. How was he supposed to reply to such a declaration?

Roger pov

Roger was freaking out, Brian wasn't responding so he quickly added, "Well it's fine if you don't like me back I won't freak out or-" before he could finish his sentence Brian pulled him into a kiss. The world seemed to melt away. Roger had to stand on the tip of his toes to reach Brian. He wrapped his arms around his neck.

Brian pulled away, "I love you too. I always have and always will," Roger this time was the one to start the kiss. It was so pleasant. He smiled as he let himself succumb to it. 

They pulled away and looked at each other, both smiling widely. They started giggling, "You don't know how long I've waited for that!" exclaimed Roger. 

They were happy, that's what mattered.


	10. So this is love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know

Roger pov

The night was well spent. Roger and Brian slow danced in the living room. They smiled continuously. It was the nicest thing Roger had ever felt. Brian wrapped his arms around Roger. They kissed again. Roger rested his head on Brian's shoulder. 

"This is all I've ever wanted," Brian said softly, "But where did you get the suit?"

Roger chuckled, "Freddie had Mary bring it,"

"Freddie knew?" Brian asked perplexed

"Yep,"

"But, I told Freddie that I loved you awhile ago..."

Roger pulled away, "So Freddie knew the entire time! He was trying to play matchmaker!"

Brian laughed, "That sounds like Freddie,"

"We need to have a talk with him later!" 

"Let's just enjoy the moment,"

"Yeah, yeah, alright," He yawned.

"We should probably get some rest," Brian suggested

Roger pouted, "But I don't want the night to end," 

"I don't want to either, but we can see each other tomorrow if you want,"

Roger nodded. 

Roger fell asleep with Brian spooning him. 

Roger awoke to the insistent sound of the alarm clock. He reached over Brian to turn it off.

Brian groggily sat up looking at Roger, who had a wide smile on his face. Brian smiled back, "This is all I've ever wanted," He said softly, "To start the day with you. Knowing you love me back,"

Roger chuckled, "I love you so much,"

"Well I love you more,"

Roger gasped, "Impossible! I love you the most!"

Brian smiled, "Well I guess that means we both love each other the most,"

"I suppose that works," 

Brian got out of bed followed by Roger, "We're supposed to practice today,"

"You're letting me leave the house?" Roger joked.

"You say that you're better, I have to respect that,"

Roger grinned, he looked like a puppy, "Really?" Brian nodded, Roger hugged him. "Are we going to tell them about?" Roger gestured to the both of them.

Brian shrugged, "Let's just see is they can figure it out themselves,"

"Does this mean we're dating...?" Brian hesitated, "I mean it's ok if you don't want to I was just guessing since we ya know..."

"I would love to have you as my boyfriend," 

Roger looked at him, stunned, "Seriously?"

Brian smiled, "Yes,"

"Oh my god, Brian May is my boyfriend,"

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roger couldn't focus, everytime they tried to play his mind would wander elsewhere and miss the beat. He cursed at himself, "Do you want to take a break, Rog?" Asked Brian.

Roger shook his head, the rest of the band gave him sympathetic looks, "I'll do it right this time," 

"That's what you said the past 12 times," John said

Roger rolled his eyes, "I can do it,"

"Can you?" Brian asked

Roger looked betrayed, "Of course I can,"

"Roger, I don't think you can..."

"You said you would respect the fact that I'm better,"

"It's not a fact, it's a wish, opinion at best," 

"I'm just a little rusty that's all,"

Freddie, being a savor, butted in, "How about we all take 5,"

Roger through his hands up in the air, "Fine!" 

"Freddie, Deaky can you give us a moment?"

"Of course, darling,"

Brian shook his head, "Roger, I'm just worried,"

"Yea, yea, I know,"

"And I know that you are not better,

Roger looked down, "Will I ever get better?"

Brian looked at him, "Yes. I know you will because you are Roger Taylor,"

Roger smiled softly, "What did I do to deserve you,"

Brian bent down and kissed him.

"I knew it!" Roger and Brian turned to see Freddie standing with a wide smile, "I waited so long for this! Deaky they finally kissed!" John ran in, "So when's the wedding?" Freddie joked. 

"I mean we just started dating,"

"You're dating?!" Freddie and John said in unison.

"This is the best day of my life," Freddie said.

Brian and Roger chuckled, "I love you," said Brian

"I love you too," replied Roger

"And I love the fact that you guys love each other," added Freddie.

Roger shook his head, "This doesn't even feel real. I'm dating the love of my life, my friends are ok with it, and I'm the drummer in one of the greatest rock and roll bands, that my boyfriend just so happens to be in as well,"

Brian shrugged, "The world works in mysterious ways,"

Freddie smiled, "If you 2 love birds will take a break from practicing your vows, we can practice again,"

Roger looked over at him, "I don't think I quite ready,"

"Are you sure?" asked Brian.

Roger nodded, "I just wanted to prove myself. But I'm surrounded by the greatest band of idiots who will just care about me and not my worth,"

"Damn Shakespeare that was deep," joked Freddie.

"Are you going to tell the public?" asked John

Roger looked at Brian, who spoke, "I don't think we will. You guys know how evil the press can be,"

Freddie nodded, "I received death threats after coming out,"

Roger couldn't imagine fans that had once loved him be turned to hate just because of his sexual and romantic preference. He didn't want to see anyone threaten Brian. 

They sat and talked for the remainder of the time. Freddie would sometimes just gush about how much he had wanted Brian and Roger get together. This all felt like a dream come true, sometimes he didn't believe this was real life.

He would catch himself just smiling like a dumb idiot. But he was happy, extremely happy. Maybe the most happy he had been since well when he was kidnapped. The world seemed to finally be going right. He was dating Brian. He still couldn't believe it. He was dating his crush. It was like some cheesy chick flick romantic comedy. It was better than being stuck in a horror movie. He looked at Brian, amazing Brian. He noticed how his eyes would light up when he smiled. And the way his curls moved when he turned. 

A telephone ringing interrupted his daydreaming, "I'll get it!" Freddie hopped up and ran towards where it was placed on the wall. He talked to someone for a while before a solomon expression painted his face. He said he understood and that he would tell him before hanging up. Freddie turned to the group, "We have new about the people who attacked you," F

The room went stiff, "What is it?" Roger croaked out.

"They've been taken into custody,"


	11. Carry on my Wayward Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger needs a suit, lawyer, and a hug.

Roger didn't know how to feel. He stood there as his knees buckled, luckily Brian was there to catch him, "They're locked up," He said quietly 

"They will never hurt you again," Brian said

Roger broke down and cried into Brian's arms, tears of sadness and joy. 

Freddie spoke again, "They are having a trial next month,"

Something dawned on Roger, "You mean I have to make a testimony?"

"I'm afraid so, dear," said Freddie

"B-but I don't even have a lawyer,"

"Don't worry, we'll find one in time,"

"What if they are let free?"

"Rog, that won't happen,"

"But what if it does?"

Brian gave Roger a comforting smile, "Everything will be alright,"

Roger sighed and sunk into Brian, "The past few days have been eventful," he chuckled.

The ever lasting fear of those people would be alleviated. The mere thought of knowing that they would be gone made Roger hold onto hope. He knew that there would be multiple reporters there to cover. He winced at the thought of them pestering him with unwanted questions. If being asked to do over a 100 interviews wasn't enough, now he has no choice.

He burrowed deeper into Brian's shoulder. Everything was happening so fast. The kidnapping, the rape, the escape, dating Brian, and now this. He couldn't handle it. Why couldn't it just be over. All the stress and omnipresent pain and anxiety. He could be feeling happy one moment and then like utter shit the next. He wasn't new to depression but before it would be a thing that wouldn't always be there. He knew that he would get better after awhile but he didn't want too wait. Who knows how long it may take? Maybe weeks, months, or even years. 

But he had to keep hope, for Queen, for Brian. It was all for Brian. Everything led back to him. Roger looked up at Brian. Glorious Brian, Brian who would always be there, Brian who always knew what top say. The world seem to glow with Brian. Roger knew what would happen to Brian is Roger gave up offed himself. 

He had seen the way Brian acted when someone died. He would become incredibly depressed, distant, and solitary.

"I love you," Roger said muffled

"I love you too," Brian replied

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roger had to buy another suit. Another fucking suit. He looked through the selections the store had. He had brought Freddie and Roger along, John had to stay home with one of his kids. 

"I fucking hate this," Roger mumbled.

"Well you have to make yourself presentable, darling," Freddie replied

"I'm a rockstar I can do whatever I want!" Roger threw his hands in the air.

Brian rolled his eyes, "Just pick a suit, Rog,"

Roger pouted, "But I don't wanna,"

Freddie chuckled, "I don't think you have a choice, dear,"

Roger looked at the various suits that Freddie and Brian had chosen for him. He studied them. They just seemed too formal. He picked one up. It was white on the outside but on the inside it was all black. It was different. Roger liked that, "I'll take this one," he declared.

Freddie and Brian sighed out relief.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Roger looked at the clock perched on the wall. He had a meeting with his lawyer today. Someone named Samuel Winchester. Brian had offered to come, Roger let him come. The waiting room was smaller than most. With just a few chairs. Roger looked at the door. As the clocked turned to 2:45 a man burst out of it in a huff of anger, "It's the god damn family business," the guy murmured. 

A receptionist walked over to Roger, "You are Roger Meadows Taylor, correct?" He nodded, "Mr. Winchester will see you know,"

Brian held onto Roger's hand as the entered the room. There was a desk and two chairs for them to sit at. Across from them, the person the assumed to be Samuel had his head in his hands. When he looked up he saw them and became a bit flustered, "Hello, I'm Samuel Winchester, Sam for short," He was American. Roger studied the desk. It had two photos. One with Sam and a blonde girl standing beside each other. The next was a photo of a family, "I hear that you are here because you need a lawyer because you were attacked and the defendants are going on trial, is that right?"

"Yes sir," 

\--------------------------------------------

It took about two hours until they could leave. Roger never wanted another lawyer. It wasn't like this Sam guy was bad, it was just Roger never wanted to have to go to court.

The car ride home was silent. Roger felt fatigued. He laid his head on the window. He saw Brian in the corner of his eye. He closed his eyes and let himself drift off.

And thus the nightmare began. He was standing in his home. He could hear faint talking. He walked in the direction of which it was coming from. He listened very closely.

"The band was better of without him," Said Freddie

"I wish he had died in there," replied Brian

"That would've been a miracle," added John 

Roger gaped at what they were saying. He knew it. He knew they didn't want him back. It was only a matter of time.

A hand was placed on his shoulder, he turned and saw the man that took him. He grabbed Roger and pushed him on the ground. He put his hand on Roger's mouth to stifle the screams. 

Roger tried to fight but he was still too weak. So he cried. He wanted to die. Then and there. It would be better. He knew they would all be happy. He cried out until he had no tears left. 

-Brian pov-

Roger was crying. Brian didn't know why. He parked the car and tried to shake Roger awake but he just screamed. Brian was becoming more and more worried. Roger hadn't had night terrors for over a month. 

He didn't know what to do. He was at a loss. He held onto Roger as he screamed and cried. Brian felt himself cry some as well.


	12. I don't Love You like I did Yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger has a talk with Brian and they both cry...

-Roger-

Roger came to the realization of what he had to do. The dream was clue enough. He sat up in the bed Brian must of placed him in. He walked out the door to find Brian sitting on the couch looking down at his feet.

"We need to stop," Roger said plainly

Brian looked at him, puzzled, "What do you mean? are you ok?"

Roger shook his head, "We can't keep doing this,"

"Doing what? Roger you aren't making sense,"

"I can't date you Godamnit!" Roger yelled

The room went quiet. Brian stood up looking defeated, "Why?" He sounded broken and distraught. 

"B-because it wouldn't of worked o-out," he stuttered 

"Roger please," Brian pleaded

"Get out," Roger said sorrowfully 

Brian opened his mouth like he was going to say something but closed it and walked towards the door, looking back slightly.

Once the door was shut and Brian was long gone Roger broke down in uneven sobs. He fell onto to his knees and clutched his chest as tears hit the ground. He tilted his head to the sky and screamed.

He cried out wanting for Brian to run back and hold him, but he had ruined the chance of that. What had he done?

-Brian-

Roger's words rang in Brian's ears as he drove down the street. He could hardly focus on the road. Tears screamed down his face. What had he done wrong? He finally learned that the love of his life shared his feelings, and for what? To be told to "get out,"?

His grip on the steering wheel tightened as he kept driving to God knows where.

The world was crashing around him. Brian believed that this must be his fault. Just yesterday they were cuddling and kissing. But now...who knows. It was night when Brian came to a stop. He made it ti s hotel miles away from Roger.

-Freddie-

Freddie was trying too sleep when the phone rang loudly through his house. He groaned and stood up. HE shuffled to the phone, "Hello?" he said groggily.

"It's over," the man on the other line was Brian.

"Brian?"

"It's over," he repeated 

"What's over,"

"Roger and me. We...we broke up,"

That woke Freddie up, "What?!"

"He broke up with me," Brian sounded dazed.

"Why?"

"I-I don't know,"

"Brian, dear I'm so sorry,"

"He told me to get out," Brian's voice cracked

Freddie didn't know what to do, "Well...well I'm sure he had a good reason,"

Brian let out a small laugh, "yea..."

Brian ended the call.

-Brian-

He wanted its to be over. All the pain. He had hidden it for so long but he couldn't anymore. He found a razor in the shower of the hotel room. His mind raced through everything he could do. He could rid himself from they pain that he had to bear.

He was still crying. The tears wouldn't stop. He wanted to wave the white flag in surrender. He didn't give 2 fucks about what would happen. He just wanted to be happy but why did it seem so far away. He shakily picked up the razor. It would be over...

-Roger-

Roger had passed out. He regretted everything but he knew there was no way to right his wrongs. It had been done. He missed Brian. He wanted to hug him and see him smile. He wanted to feel happy. But without Brian it seemed impossible. Tears formed puddles on the floor. He messed up. He needed to shut himself off from the rest of the world. Maybe then will everything be alright. He was a screw up that no one wanted around. They hated him and he hate himself. He spiraled down into thoughts of depression and self loathing.

He shakily stood up and walked to his bed where fell and cried himself to sleep. 

(A/N I totally haven't done that before)

-Brian-

Freddie had somehow located Brian. Brian had decided not to kill himself. A decision he sort of regrets. Freddie barged into his room and engulfed him in a hug. Brian felt numb to everything. He was on the verge of a grand mental breakdown. But he had to fight. He had to... for Roger. If he stayed strong maybe Roger... no, It wouldn't of worked it was over. Roger had said it himself. Brian cursed and pushed Freddie aside. He could see Freddie's lips moving but Brian's ears were filled with a ringing noise that bounced in his head. He took deep breaths as he counted down from 20.

Eventually he regained what little composure he had left, "I need some alone time, Fred," Brian managed to say.

Freddie shook his head, "Darling, I don't think you should be left alone in your condition," 

"I'm fine,"

Freddie raised an eyebrow, "Are you sure about that?"

Brian nodded, "Of course," He managed a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"You are the worst liar ever,"

"Go, Fred," 

But Freddie didn't go. He stood his ground and made his point, "Brian listen to me. I know you would love to wallow in pity and recount every highlight of your relation ship. But what you need to do is learn from this. Emerge like a Phoenix. And who knows maybe Roger will come back around," 

Brian looked down then back at Freddie, "I can't," His voice was desperate and helpless.

Freddie gave him a face of pity, "It'll be ok. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow. But it will be one day. Now lets go back to my house,"

-John-

Goddamn it John thought when he learned that Brian and Roger or as Freddie called it "Maylor" was no more. He won't say that he didn't see this as a possible outcome, He just thought that maybe it would last longer. Apparently Freddie had found Brian in a disoriented state. John shook his head. Its seemed he would have to get those 2 idiots to kiss and make up. But he couldn't do that until he learned why they broke up. 

Roger held the answers he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, its summer so I will be updating much more. and maybe add more words to the next few chapters.


	13. Despite it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is a savior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok sorry sorry this chapter was shorter but i have a job now and i have to babysit so finding time to write is super hard..

-Roger-

There was an empty pit in his stomach. He hadn't eaten or slept. What was the point? Everyone hated him. The world he knew was crashing down on him. He cried out. His mind kept racing between what he could do. What he should do. He felt like giving up, but no that was a selfish way out. being dead wasn't going to fix this problem. But despite it all he was utterly alone. He had one call from Freddie but that was it. 

He hadn't cried in so long part of him thought he had forgotten how. After running away when he was younger he vowed to never show weakness ever again. But here he was crying his gut out until he couldn't cry anymore. He just existed. Within a realm of it's own. A realm of sadness that he feared would slowly turn to madness. 

-John-

John had to fix this. it was going to a hardship to do so, but he had to. There was no way that Roger would just call things off the way he did. John had to hear all of his kids romance and friendship problems. So naturally he was the best for getting Brian and Roger to talk everything out. John got into his car and rode to Roger's house. Upon arrival he could see that the curtains were pulled shut. He sighed and walked up to the front door where he knocked 3 times.

"Who is it?" a timid voice asked from the other side.

"Rog, It's me John. Can you let me in," 

There was a moment of silence before Roger spoke again, "Is it just you?" 

John sighed once more, "Yes it's just me,"

Roger slowly opened the door. Roger looked like absolute shit, to say the least. His hair was matted, he had bags under his eyes, and he was much paler than normal, "Jesus Christ Roger. Have you not been taking care of yourself?"

The sentence must of slightly offended Roger, "Well there's not really a reason to,"

John rolled his eyes, "Okay, we need to fix this,"

"Fix what?"

John gestured to everything around them, then to Roger, "All of this, including you and Brian,"

Roger froze, "No,"

"What?"

"It can't be fixed, I fucked it up,"

"Trust me, I know from experience that it can indeed be fixed,"

There was a slight glimmer of hope in Roger's eyes. But within a moment it was gone, "No, It's impossible,"

"Well why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Break up with him,"

Roger sighed, "I was worried that if I didn't...he would,"

"You're the love of his life, why would he break up with you?"

Roger groaned and threw himself down on the couch, "I don't know,"

"So technically you two are still madly in love,"

"I guess so,"

"And you regret having broken up with him,"

"...yes,"

"In conclusion, you two need to get back together,"

Roger rose up, "But what if he doesn't want to?"

"Roger he misses you. The one thing he wants is for the two of you to get back together,"

Roger looked up at him, "Really?"

John nodded, "Really,"

Roger gave a small smile, "Thanks deaky,"

John nodded, "Anytime,"

-Roger-

Roger was standing outside Brian's house holding a bouquet of flowers. 

He paced back and forth, "This is a bad idea," he kept mumbling to himself

He didn't even notice when the door opened, "Roger?"

The blonde looked up to see a disheveled Brian standing before him, "I'm sorry," The words quickly escaped his mouth. 

"What?" Brian asked 

"If you want me to leave I can go," Roger turned away and got ready to leave.

Brian grabbed his wrist, "Come inside," Brian's hand was soft compared to Roger's sweaty palms. 

Roger held the flowers out, "Are these for me?" asked Brian. roger quickly nodded.

"I miss you. I just keep thinking about you. I love you Brian. I love you more than anything. Without I'm incomplete. Please take me back,"

Brian looked at Roger's tear filled blue eyes, "Why did you call things off in the first place?"

It was an understandable question. John had asked him earlier, "i was terrified you would figure out I'm not good enough for you,"

"Roger you are perfect for me,"

The words felt like holy grail. It was a split moment and they were kissing. It was soft and quick but it was a kiss none the less, "Roger I love more than words could describe and I want to spend every day with you. I want to always be there for you,"

"Thank you for being you," roger mumbled 

"Who else would I be?"

Roger faintly smiled. Maybe they could have a life together. Of course there would be hardships. There would always be the one homophobe who thinks people who want to love each other are wrong.

They've seen first hand on how people treat Freddie. Who knows what would happen upon learning that Roger and Brian were in a relationship. The press would jump on it and spread utterly stupid theories. That's what they had to look forward to. Greaaaaaat. Well if the world was going to hate them for loving who they want that's their problem.


	14. Don't Go Breaking My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Brian try to balance work at the press watching their every move. tw- mentions of anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Ya'll, so this story has been left untouched for months but guess what?! I'm back!

-Roger pov-

"This is fucking insane!" Roger exclaimed. He and Brian had been out to the public for the past month and already the invasive questions were getting to him, "How the hell do you do it, Fred?"

Freddie looked over at the blonde sitting on the couch parallel to him ,"Frankly, I've stopped caring. People are going to make asses of themselves and we get to sit back and watch,"

Roger huffed and slumped down, "It just pisses me off! We don't go out of our way to ask them what their sex life is like!"

Freddie shook his head, "You have to ignore them, darling,"

Roger stood up, "I can't!"

"Lower your voice, Rog. The cats are sleeping,"

Roger opened his mouth as to say something but ultimately stayed silent, "I'm not good when it comes to things like this..." he said softly

Freddie had a look of pity on his face, "Roger, you are the bravest and strongest person I have ever met. And trust me, I know what it's like when some dick decides to ask a question about your personal life. You just want to slap them in the face, or grab them by the arms, shake them and ask them to just shut the fuck up. But you can't do that or else you'll be thrown into some mental institute or prison. You have to act like everything they say doesn't affect you. Pretend you don't care, perhaps retaliate with some sort of humor. Make them feel like an idiot for even wanting to ask the question. But if there is one thing I know for sure is that you and Bri are going to make it through all of this,"

A small smile appeared on Roger's face, "Thanks, Fred,"

Freddie smiled back, "Anytime, darling,"

\-----------------------------------

-Brian Pov-

Brian paced back and forth. The rest of the band was sprawled out across the room. Roger was lying on the ground throwing a ball up in the air, Freddie was sitting on the arm of the couch and John was sitting quietly in a chair. They were waiting for an interview with the press. 

Brian knew that there were going to be a barrage of questions having to deal with Brian and Roger's love life. 

Brian could tell that Roger was at least slightly tense, but not as much as usual.

Brian on the other hand, was freaked out. He was more depressed than he usually was and he was out of his medication. He was jittery and anxious. He felt like he could hear every small sound in the room. He wanted to just sit down and cover his ears. He could hear his own heartbeat growing louder and beginning to beat faster. He had never had any anxiety attacks do he didn't really now what any of this was. He just thought that its was all getting to him. He thought he might be losing it.

Roger sat up and looked and Brian, worriedly, "Bri, are you all right?"

Brian turned around quickly, "Yeah, I just feel slightly out of it,"

Roger looked skeptical, "Are you sure?"

Brian nodded, "Yep,"

Roger sighed still not completely believing that Brian was ok.

Brian eventually sat down beside Roger and they began talking about plans to move in with each other, "Would we get a house or a flat?" Roger asked.

Brian shrugged, "As long as we can both live comfortably, I'm fine with whichever,"

Within twenty minuets they were called out to sit at the panel.

The moment they all sat down in the chair the press started yelling out their questions. Trying to be the loudest so their question could get heard. It started to feel like too much but Brian put on a happy face and tried to act normal.

The first clear question to be asked went like this, "Freddie! Were you surprised when Roger and Brian told you about their," the reporter paused, as if disgusted by the following phrase, "in a relationship?"

Freddie leaned up to the mic, "I don't know, were you?"

The reporter frowned and sat back down.

The next question was then asked, "Roger, did you only get together with Brian because you felt like you needed someone after getting kidnapped?"

Roger balled his fists, "I..." he looked over at Freddie.

"No fucking way! Do you see these two? They are in a healthy genuine relation ship," Freddie answered for Roger.

The reporter looking unsatisfied asked another question, "Brian, did you ever hesitate when deciding to date Roger? Knowing his habits of getting around,"

Roger's cheeks got flushed, "First of all-"

Brian cut him off, "No, in fact I never once thought that Roger would cheat on me. We have a deep connection that you obviously wouldn't understand,"

The reporter seemed to be getting irritated, "So, you never once thought that Roger Taylor, known as a ladies man was never going to cheat on you?"

"No, never,"

Brian in fact had thought of that, multiple times actually. Roger was very promiscuous he had a new girlfriend every week. But Brian was in love and that somewhat clouded his judgment. He didn't think that Roger would break his heart. He knew they probably wouldn't work out but he still pined after the blonde. And miraculously Roger liked him back, but of course Brian thought that perhaps Roger would cheat. I mean it wouldn't be out of character. Brian had tried to repress the thoughts. But whenever Roger had broken up with him for those couple of days Brian really thought it was over. he criticized himself for thinking that Roger felt the same way Brian did. It was silly but Brian sometimes would think of a world where its wasn't illegal to love someone of the same gender, he imagined a world where he and Roger were happy.

John spoke up, snapping Brian out of his thinking, "I had a cold last week if anyone cares,"

The reporter pushed on, "Maybe that's because you knew that Roger was in a vulnerable state and you decided to exploit this for yourself and you decided to use his vulnerability as a way to get him to date you,"

The room got quiet. Nearly everyone was appalled. Roger slowly turned to look at Brian, "Bri..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about it being shorter than some of the others but I'm still getting back in the grove of writing about these boys.


	15. Words Fail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger decides to make some changes in his life.

-Roger Pov-

Roger stared at Brian, "Bri... is that true?" He asked softly.

The entire room had gone silent, the loudest thing in the room was the hitched breaths of the band.

"Of course not," Brian sounded slightly offended that Roger would even think for a moment that he had taken advantage of him.

"Why did you hesitate?" Roger asked.

"Now boys, let's not jump to conclusions or start anything," Freddie said to both of them.

"No! I need to know!"

"Roger, I would never do anything to you," Brian said, trying to keep his cool.

"How do I know you're not lying! You've never shown interest in me before the incident! Why now have you decided that you like me, huh?!" 

"Rog, darling, calm down," Freddie said softly.

Roger stood up nearly knocking the chair, behind him, over. He looked over at the mass of journalists and reporters. News Reporters were catching all of this on camera. No doubt that it would make headlines in the few hours to come. 

Roger, feeling overwhelmed, ran as fast as he could to the exit. He could hear all of his "friends" run after him, but he kept looking forward. One thing his father had taught him at a young age was: only the weak turn and look back at their opponent after or during a fight.

He remembers the words so vividly, and he's lived by that. He would follow the rule after every bar fight, ever argument with the band, every petty little argument he would have with his sister, and every time his dad would hurt him. He never looked back then, and he won't start now.

He finally made it outside, but he kept running. Eventually he made it to a buss stop. He fell down onto the bench. he felt like he couldn't breathe, like his chest was compressed so tightly that all the air was leaving his body. He wanted to cry, but he didn't. That was another thing he learned from early on: Losers cry, it's a sign of weakness and that you aren't mature or strong enough to handle yourself. 

It was here that he realized how much of himself he had lost in the past year. He realized how after everything that happened that he had become soft and weak, he needed to be tough and strong. He was going to show everyone that Roger Taylor is not a loser, he won't be mocked by some reporter who is only being an arse so he can get his paycheck. He didn't need Brian watching his every move. He didn't need Freddie keeping him in check. And he didn't need John to make sure he was ok. He didn't need anyone but himself. And he was going to prove that to the world. If they wanted a bitch, cock, arse version of himself, that's what they were going to get. He earned any speckle of empathy left in him. He was empty, that's how he had always been and that's what he needed to be.

He gathered himself and stood up. He calmly walked back to where everyone was waiting on him, where Brian was waiting on him. 

He pushed open the double doors with gusto. He faked a smirk and smugly walked and sat back down on his chair. Everyone looked at him for a long time, "What? Haven't you ever seen a blonde before?" 

"Rog, I-"

Roger put his finger up to silence Brian, "No need to say anything, let's get this shit how over with. I have an appointment with someone named alcohol,"

Brian turned to him, concerned, "Roger, we've been over this, its best if you didn't drink,"

"Where did I ask for your opinion?" He asked harshly.

Freddie motioned to a security faired who had them escorted out.

They shut the door behind them as they entered the room they were in when they were waiting. Roger slumped down on the couch.

The rest of the band looked at him, they all seemed equally confused and concerned, "Rog. are you ok?" asked John

"Yes Deaky. I'm just peachy," He said with a fake ass smile.

"Roger, dear, don't you think you're being too harsh?" asked Freddie.

"No, Fred, in a matter of fact I think all of you are being too soft,"

"Roger if this is about what happened with the reporter, I'm sorry I never mean't for it to come off like that. I truly love you and that person doesn't know how I feel about you-" Brian was cut off.

"This isn't about you, Brain," Roger hissed, "Its about me, I needed to rebuild myself. So that's what I did,"

"In my personal option, you just became more of a jackass," John said in a monotone 

"Great, that's what I was going for,"

"Roger don't do this, it's annoying to the rest of us," Freddie said

Roger abruptly stood up, trying to match Freddie's height, "And since when should I care about what the rest of you think? It seems that I was always a side character ion the great story about Freddie Mercury, for Brian I'm just some damsel in distress, and for Deaky... I don't even know. So why should I care about what you want?"

"Rog... we're a family," Brian spoke softly.

"No we are not! The only one here with a proper family is Deaky! We are coworkers, nothing more,"

Brian walked up to the blonde, "Rog, what about us?"

"...," Roger didn't want to be the cause of Brian doing something... bad and he didn't want to lose Brian also, "I guess were still... us. But don't expect me to some weak, vulnerable, little princess,

"Roger, I never saw you as that,"

"And I should believe what you say, why?"

"Because we care about each other! Because I love you!" the words slipped out effortlessly

"Yeah? well we'll see about that,"

-Freddie Pov-

How many times am I going to have to fix this relationship? Freddie thought to himself. Watching Brian and Roger bicker wasn't unusual, but what was unusual was seeing that both of them were on the verge of tears. Though neither would admit to it. Roger must of had some sort of mental breakdown whenever he ran outside but it really screwed him up. Now Freddie and John would have to find a way to show that he doesn't have tp be a Bitch to get respect. 

Roger and Brian were still yelling back and forth when Freddie pulled John aside, "So, what are we going to do?"

John looked over at the fighting couple then back to Freddie, "I don't there's anything we can do,"

Freddie shook his head, "There must be something,"

John sighed, "I know they say love makes you crazy but I didn't think it was supposed to make you this crazy,"

Freddie shrugged, "Why can't they just be a normal happy couple?"

John narrowed his eyes, "I don't think that's possible, we're rockstars who all look like we belong in different generations and not to mention the fact that they aren't what people call 'heteronormative',"

"I guess you're right, but we should still try to fix," He gestured to the couple, "whatever this is,"

John nodded, "You're right,"

"So, let's make a plan,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not fear the fluff will be arriving soon!


	16. Bring Back The Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian has to make a decision.

Brian Pov-  
Weeks had swiftly passed by with Roger still being a moody little shit. Brian had tried to look over it and give Roger time to cool down.But roger kept putting out a cold and harsh persona. Brian was tired of it. He wanted Roger to be happy but he also wanted the love that had once existed between them back.  
Freddie tried to give Brian words of encouragement but nothing seemed to work. He also started to suspect that Roger wasn't being monogamous. Brian had tried to question the blonde but kept getting shut down. Roger would say, "Piss off Bri," or, "It's none of your Damon business,"  
Brian racked his brain trying to figure out on what to do. There has to be a way for Roger just to let down his guard. They had drifted so far apart in a short amount of time. It made Brian's heart ache.   
But Roger's departure from emotion had also fractured the relationship of the band. Freddie became obsessed with himself (partly due to the fucker that was Paul Prenter) and John seemed more depressed than usual.   
Brian could feel tension build up with all of them. One thing could set up a whole argument and leave everyone pissed at each other.  
The only person Brian could confide in was John.  
"What am I supposed to do?" Brian said one night over drinks, "Freddie is going off making his own albums and Roger is well.... you know,"  
John nodded, "I wish I could give you insight, but I really don't know what to tell you," He sighed, "Relationships... they're weird. One moment you feel like nothing could stop you and the person you love," He paused and took a swig of whatever alcoholic drink he had,"And the next they treat you like shit. I know how it feels trust me. It took me a long time before I got a long stable relationship. And even Veronica and I have some flaws when it comes down to it. But at the end of the day it's about love, and the risks you would take for someone. And if you ask me, it seems like you've taken multiple risks for Roger. You put yourself out in the public eye, knowing that people would send you death threats, but your love powered over them, and you didn't let them get to you,"  
Brian looked down at his shoes, "It got to Roger. I mean that has to be the reason he's acting so strangely. It only happened after that jackass kept pushing him to answer invasive questions. He most have cracked under pressure. Honestly, I don't blame him,"  
John looked at him sympathetically, "Do you love him?"  
Brian looked back up and met John's eyes, "More than anything,"  
"Well, now you have two options. 1: waiter for him to come to his senses and be there for him when he does, or 2: break up with him and move on. It sounds tough I know, but most things don't last forever,"  
"I... I don't want to let him go. I can't! Even if I did I would still manage to think of him,"  
"Well, then I guess you choose number 1,"  
Brian smiled softly, "I'm going to head back home, take care Deaky,"  
John waved goodbye to the taller male.  
-Roger POV-  
What am I doing?! Roger thought as he left some random dude's house. He felt greasy and sick. He was cheating. Well it wasn't his first time, but it felt different when he was cheating on Brian. He wanted to punch something or scream. He was a screw up, a waste of a decrement human. He blamed himself for the band's fallout that led to them "taking a break" but he knew that they probably would never really get back together. Sure they might record a song here but he doubted they would ever truly be a band again. He walked down the darkened road that led to the place where he and Brian had been living. At one point it felt like a home, now he can't even look at the person he's supposed to be sharing his life with. He inhaled and exhaled with a cough. God, how many fuck-ups did it take for him to sink this low. He wanted to be better person,he truly did. But he didn't know how to fix all the damage he had caused. His mind started making a list of why he should have just died whenever he was kidnapped, or better yet; he wished he was never born.   
He could feel tears stream down his rosy cheeks. He trudged on, part of him just wanted to sit down and sob until he ran out of tears. He knew for a fact that Brian must hate him. He had ruined everything, again. Brian was probably figuring out a way to break up with him. roger could hear him now, "This is your fault. If you hadn't been such a pain in the arse all the time none of this would've happened," Roger cringed.   
Every inch of him ached, he longed to be in bed with the arms of his love wrapped around him. He had ruined the chance of that every happening again. There was nothing he could do. He chastised himself so many times that it made him physically sick. He lurched over and vomited on the pavement.   
"I shouldn't have drank so much," he murmured to himself.  
He could see a few people give him the stink eye, he turned around and flipped them off. The walked away mumbling.   
Roger collected himself and kept walking ahead.   
When he finally reached the doorstep of his house he debated wether to open it or not. He slowly put in his key and turned the knob. The house was comforting in a sense. It was a place where happiness dwelled. He sighed and made his way to the couch where he  passed out.  
"We need to talk," Brian announced over breakfast.  
Oh no, here it is. Roger thought, He's going to dump me.  
"What is it," Roger responded after a long moment.  
"I miss how we were. Before you went all angsty,"  
Roger bit his lip, "Brian I-,"  
Brian cut him off, "I know you probably are figuring somethings out right now. And I know it's probably really tough. I have no idea what's going through you're head, but I care about you. I love you Roger," Roger was on the verge of crying, "And because I love you I need to know... do you love me?"


	17. It Never Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They back together

Brian POV-  
Brian couldn’t meet Roger’s eyes. He didn’t want to see the absolute hatred within them. He expected Roger to lash out but instead he heard sniffling. He looked at him only to see that Roger was crying.  
“Of course I do, dumbass!” Roger was shaking so Brian hesitantly pulled Roger into a hug. Roger didn’t fight back. He held on to Brian for dear life.   
Once they were done Brian asked another question that had been eating him away.  
“Roger, I want to do whatever I can to make you happy. But what is going on with you?”  
“I thought that... I thought that being tough would fix all of my problems,” he sniffled, “It obviously didn’t. It just made them worse,”  
Brian sighed, “You didn’t make anything worse,”  
“Yes I did! The entire band has fallen apart and-,”  
“And... in no way is that your fault!”  
“If not mine then who’s?!”  
“That Goddamn Prenter, he’s brainwashed Freddie,”  
“Ugh, I never did like him,”  
Brian smiled, “I’m glad we can agree on that,” Brain leaned in and kissed him for the first time in what seemed like ages.  
“I love you, Rog,”  
“I love you too, Bri,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter because I wanted to write two in less than an hour so you have these. Also prepare yourself for some ANGST in later chapters


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie makes a plea.

-Brian POV-  
Brian laid in their shared bed holding Roger in an embrace. Roger had dozed off but Brian couldn’t manage to. It was so very sweet just to have Roger back. Brian isn’t usually indiscreet but when he see’s Roger the Earth begins to sway. He loves everything about him, even his stubbornness.   
In the beginning Brian was utterly confused on how he and Roger could possibly be in love. But now all he craved for was their happiness.  
He has told Roger that he loves him many a times but after a while Brian fears that the words will all meaning. But he really does love Roger, with all his heart in a matter of fact. He’s just so glad that Roger was his, not in a possessive way though. If Brian was awake or asleep most of his thoughts were always about Roger.  
The way he feels for Roger... well it’s more than words can tell.  
Brian smiled as Roger shifted beside him. Brian collected his thoughts and finally fell asleep, thinking of his love.

-Freddie POV-  
Freddie missed his friends, his family. He became caught up in his own ego and believed all the lies that Paul fed him. He couldn’t even think of Paul without wanting to gag. Not even to mention all the times he got dragged into something he didn’t want to do. He had cut himself off from everyone who truly cared about him. He was glad Marry had come and managed to set things right.   
He needed to fix things with everyone else. But the question is, would they even want him back. He paced back and forth in his now wrecked living room. He sighed.  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
“Freddie, they want nothing to do with you,” Miami had said over the phone.  
“Please, just get them. I need to see my family,”  
He knew that Miami could hear the remorse in his voice, “I’ll see if I can. But I don’t think I can squeeze you into live aid,”  
“Can you at least try?”  
A loud sigh came from the other, “Freddie, you are a handful, but yes, I’ll try,”

-Brian POV-  
“He wants me to what?!” Brian had woken up to a call from Miami. He was not expecting to hear that Freddie wanted them to get back together.   
“Brian, I know it sounds crazy but he seems really sorry,”  
“Sorry, my ass! He just wants more money,” Brian exclaimed  
“Trust me, I don’t think that’s the case,”  
“Trust me, it is,”  
“You should’ve heard him. He sounded broken, Brian. He needs you guys,”  
Brian thought for a moment, “I’ll talk to Rog,”  
“Ok,”  
Brain hung up, and walked back to the bedroom where Roger was sitting up. Brian took note of the large bags underneath his eyes, “Who was on the phone?”  
“Miami,”  
“And?”  
“And, Freddie wan’t us to get back together,”  
“What did you say?”  
“I said I’ll talk to you,”  
Roger paused, “Well, what do we have to lose?” He said with a smile.  
“Just our dignity,” Brian said jokingly.  
“Oh, I lost that a long time ago,”  
-John POV-  
John wasn’t surprised that Freddie wanted the band back; John was still upset and salty over their last encounter.  
“Should I go back?” He asked Veronica one night.   
“Its your choice,” she said not looking up from a magazine.  
“I mean I obviously miss them, but what would happen? What if none of us are the same and we’re so different that we can’t even play together?!”  
Veronica sighed and looked up, “Why do you think Freddie called you?” She didn’t wait for a response, “It’s not just because he misses the music. He misses you guys, he cares about you. And I know you care about him. He needs you all, he might be going through something, so go to him, and set things right,”  
“You’re right,”  
She smiled, “I always am,”  
She turned off the light and the two went to bed.

-Freddie POV-  
Freddie anxiously bounced his leg, waiting for the others to arrive, “Where are they?” He asked Miami  
“They’re late,” He said nonchalantly   
Freddie bit the inside of his cheek, was this what is was like every time they would wait for him. He could feel his guilt multiply by the second. Suddenly the clock ticking felt too loud. He was ready to get up and leave before the door slowly creaked open.  
He looked at everyone, they all looked different. Roger had cut his hair and looked more well... domesticated. John also had cut his hair and seemed slightly bitter. And Brian, well he just looked like Brian.  
Miami was first to break the silence, “If anyone wants any tea, coffee, bladed weapons just ask,”  
Freddie put his hand up, “I’ll start,” He took a deep inhale, “I’ve been hideous. I know that, and I deserve your fury. I’ve been conceited, selfish. Well an asshole, basically,”  
“Strong beginning,” Roger said rather coldly  
“Look, I’m happy to strip off my shirt and flagellate myself before you; or rather, I could ask you a simple question,”  
“I’m good with the flagellation,” Roger interrupted.  
Freddie sighed, “What is it going to take for you all to forgive me?”  
Brain looked at him, “Is that what you want Freddie? I forgive you, is that it can we go now?”   
Miami seemed to already be tired of this.  
“No,” Freddie knew that no one wanted to even speak to him but he still proposed the question of them playing for live aid.  
“We need a moment to talk about this, alone,” is what they said to him.  
Freddie and Miami granted their wish.  
When they finally came back in they reached the consensus that they would play together but the music was by Queen and only Queen, they also wanted Paul gone but that was obviously already dealt with.  
They were back, it felt good to know that he had his family back.  
They were also able to nag a spot at Live Aid. It seemed things were turning around for everyone.  
That was until the epidemic began...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next few chapters will kind of take some ideas from the last few songs from a musical called falsettos. If you know what that means then I’m sorry. If you don’t well..... be prepared for the most depressing shit ever


	19. Some Thing Bad is Happening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie has something to tell the band

-Freddie POV-  
Freddie seemed to know right away that he had it. It was obvious all the signs were pointing to the same thing. And yet, he still hoped that he was just being a hypochondriac. But on the night before their last week of practice for Live Aid he received a call. One he had been dreading.   
"I'm sorry to inform you but..." Freddie didn't want to hear the rest. He was shaking. The person on the phone instructed that he needed to go to the doctor and they'll then figure out what to do next.   
Of course the moment he starts getting his shit together this bombshell gets dropped on him. A tidal wave of emotions had crashed down on him.He didn't know how to react to the information he had just been given. He was at a complete utter loss.  
He knew a mysterious sickness had been sweeping the world, but he had no idea what it was. No one really knew how it was spread in the beginning. So, Freddie thought that he was safe.  
Turns out he was wrong.  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
Freddie shifted uncomfortably in the plastic chair provided for him at the doctor's office. He knew that he was being spoken to but he didn't care. There wasn't a cure. It wasn't like a virus or a stomach ache. It was a disease, and he knew the inevitable was going to happen... he was going to die. He didn't want to die, he wanted to keep singing and preforming. He wanted to grow old with someone he really loves. He wanted.... well I guess it doesn't matter anymore, the damage had been done. He had a few years left at most and he was going to make the most of it. He was going to get a boyfriend who truly loved him. He was going to preform every show like it was his last. He was going to fix everything that he had fucked up.  
-Roger POV-  
Freddie's singing had degraded somehow. He couldn't even hit alto notes. Roger could tell something was up, from the way he walked and how he seemed to be hiding something.  
Roger was worried for his friend. He was going to confront him about it but he could never find a time when it was just the two of them. He sighed and tried to think of something else.   
He tried to play the drums but his mind kept wandering back to Freddie and whatever he may be hiding.  
"I have something to tell you all," Freddie said at the end of the rehearsal.  
"What is it, Fred?" Asked Brian.  
Freddie sighed, "I've got it,"  
Everyone was confused until he added, "I've got AIDS,"  
The words hung in the air for a moment. So many things were running around in Roger's head, "How long do you have left? Is this Pauls fault? What are you going to do?" He decided to not ask any of those questions and he just let tears well up in his eyes.  
"Oh, Fred-,"   
Freddie stopped him, "listen I don't want your sympathy, its boring quite honestly,"  
Freddie gave a heart warming speech and they were all moved, "You're a legend, Fred,"  
-Freddie POV-  
Freddie couldn't help but wonder if either Brian or Roger had it. I mean, they seemed to be pretty faithful with each other but Brian had once confided with Freddie that he thought Roger had been sleeping around. He decided to suppress his worried until they finished with Live Aid.  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
He could hear the crowd roar. It was a nice feeling, it felt like home. Many people would feel scared or intimidated over preforming in front of such a large lot, but not Queen. Freddie bounced up and down as the curtain was drawn back and the four of them walked out onto the stage. The were welcomed by cheers and applause. Freddie walked to the piano set to the side. He took in a large inhale. Looked back at the mates then began playing.  
If you still weren't sure how much a big deal Bohemian Rhapsody was, well this would be a good example of why it is.. Everyone, and I mean everyone, sang along. Freddie smiled, he missed this. Being with his friends and doing what he loved. The rest of the band seemed to be livid, they were all smiling giddily. Freddie wished this moment would never end. He wished he could freeze time and just stay like this, happy and loved. But that was impossible no matter how much he didn't want this moment to end, it would. So he would just have to seize the day.  
He knew his time was almost out but he still treated it like he was alive and well. The world loved Freddie Mercury, and Freddie loved the world.  
So, he wouldn't tell anyone. He would keep it under wraps. The only people who would be allowed to know was the band, Miami, and Jim. He would put out a facade that he was ok until he literally couldn't any more.  
He was going to try and give the world hope and happiness.   
When they had finished preforming they walked off stage. Freddie was greater by Mary, her husband, and Jim. They and the band all went out for drinks that night. He felt alive even if he was technically dying. For a little while he forgot about his diagnosis and was able to enjoy the night without thinking about it.  
-Roger pov-  
"I'm fine" He kept telling himself that the coughing, fatigue, and soreness meant nothing. there was no way he could possibly... He forced himself not to finish the thought. He was healthy, he was ok in every way shape and form. He laid in bed starring up at the ceiling. He could feel Brian move beside him. He couldn't leave Brian, he just couldn't. He decided that he was fine and just overreacting. He never even had any definite signs that he could have it.


	20. Something Bad is Happening pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything changes

-Freddie pov-  
Freddie saw the signs with Roger, they were all there. So, Freddie confronted Brian in secret, "Do you think Rog is ok?"   
Brian sighed, "Is he ever ok?"   
"I think he might be... sick,"  
Brian looked up, surprised, "What?!"  
"Look I'm no doctor but he is showing the same symptoms I had, just keep an eye on him, ok?"  
Brian nodded, "Ok,"  
-Brian pov-  
It wasn't til Freddie pointed out the fact that Roger could possibly be sick. Roger had started to cough a lot more than usual, he always seemed tired, and seemed to be hurting all the time. But it wasn't possible, Roger had been fine a few weeks ago. Maybe he was just in a slump of sorts. Brain wanted to just believe that everything was fine, but everything was not fine. An epidemic was swooping the nation. Killing hundreds at a time.   
Things were changing, and fast.   
-Roger pov-  
He felt bad, physically. He felt tired 24/7 and he never wanted to leave the bed. He practically forced himself up every morning. His whole body ached and he coughed up blood every once in a while. It hurt more than words could say.   
He wanted to know what was wrong with him but he worried what the answer would be. Part of him knew what was wrong but he didn't want to believe it. He hadn't even gotten around that much. He was scared in all honestly. He debated whether he should go and get a proper diagnosis. Part of him wanted to stay in the dark and not know what was going on.   
But, one evening Brian popped the question, "Are you ok? Physically and emotionally?"  
Roger hesitated, "emotionally, I'm stable but physically... I don't know,"  
Brian's face was full of sorrow, "You need to go to the doctor,"  
Roger nodded, "yes, I'm aware of that,"  
"Why haven't you,"  
"I don't want to know what's wrong with me, I want to feel normal,"  
Brian sighed, "But what if we find a way to help you?"  
"It's not curable, you know this,"  
"Roger, please," Brian sounded defeated   
"Ok,"  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
Roger didn't like the doctor, he seemed too cocky and annoyed by his simple existence.   
He was pocked, prodded, and pricked just so they could get a little bit of blood. Roger was ready to throw hands by the end of it.   
Brian seemed tired and Roger told him he could go home. Brian insisted that he would stay but by the fifth hour he reluctantly went back to their shared home.   
Roger was alone in the waiting room. The quiet ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner was the only thing keeping him company. He was in a tedious state. He just wanted to go back home and lay in Brian's arms. He was at least happy yo know that he had someone who loved him waiting for him at home. The clock chimed and Roger realized he had been there for a total of eight hours. He groaned and leaned back in the chair. He should not have agreed to come. He should've convinced Brian that he was fine. The sterile smell of cleaning products made him want to vomit.  
Nearly half an hour later another doctor came in. She was a woman with shoulder length brown hair. Her face held a somber expression. She told him that his results had come back and she needed to get something before she told him what was going on.  
When the doctor came back with a clipboard and a lot of brochures Roger knew that no good news was going to come from this.  
He felt trapped as the Doctor explained what was happening, it felt like his fight or flight instinct had been activated. He wanted to run, he didn't know why. The words that the doctor were saying meant nothing to him. He felt sick to his stomach ache he felt defeated. His life seemed meaningless in the grand scheme of things.  
He felt like his life was over, and to some degree it was.  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
-Brian pov-  
Despite telling Roger he would try and get some rest he was awake with worry. He paced back and forth. He tried to sit down and read a book on the astronomical properties of the world but his brain wouldn't focus.  
When the door to their house opened with a creak Brian ran over to Roger who looked dazed. Brian put his hands on his shoulders, "So?"  
It seemed that simple of a word triggered Roger to break down into a sob. Brian immediately knew that their time together had became limited. He pulled Roger into a tight embrace.   
Roger was shaking underneath the taller male. Brian didn't want to let of him he wanted everything to go back to normal.  
Brain was going to lose two of the people closest to him and he wasn't ready. He was terrified just thinking about it.  
"I don't want to die," Roger mumbled into Brian's shirt.  
"I know, Rog,"  
"I'm sorry,"   
"For what?"  
"If I hadn't been so stubborn and went out with those blokes none of this would've happened,"  
Brian pulled away and looked at Roger in the eye, "Don't you dare blame yourself. This not your fault!" Brian cupped Roger's cheeks  
"B-but-,"  
"No buts! Roger this is not your fault! No one could've seen this coming,"  
Roger's lip quivered, "Do you... Do you still love me?"  
Brian sighed, "Of course I do. I will never stop loving you. I'll love til' the day I die,"   
They then kissed and tried to find a way to make the best out of their situation.  
"We have to tell the band," Roger said mournfully   
Brian nodded but added, "We don't have to if you don't want to,"  
Roger exhaled, "I have to. I don't want them in the dark during this. I want them to know,"  
"Ok, it's always up to you,"  
"Not really. The public will find out somehow,"  
"And then?"  
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya’ll just letting you know that the story will be ending soon :(. But I might write more stories, send me prompts or suggestions. Also if you like Sally Face I will be making a SF fanfic.


	21. Holding to the Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John reflects on how life had changed

-John pov-  
John was not expecting to receive a call from a distraught Brian.   
The telephone awoke John from a random dream about singing animals. He groggily got out of bed and walked down the hallway, yawning.  
“Hello?” He said into the phone.   
There was no sound except sniffling coming from the other end of the line. He repeated the but more confused, “Hello?”  
“Deaky...” A small timid voice came from the other line.   
He recognized it as Brian’s. He was concerned almost right away, “Bri? Is something wrong? Are you ok?”  
“I...I’m fine,”  
“Then what’s the problem?”  
“It’s Roger,”  
“He, hasn’t done anything,”  
John was getting more confused and worried by the second, “Then why are you calling me?”  
Brian seemed to whimper, “He uh... he went to the doctor today and we just went to make sure he was holding up well. But after what seemed like thousands of tests we learned that...that,” Brian couldn’t even finish the sentence   
So John did for him, “That he’s got what Fred has?”  
“Yea,”  
“Brian, I’m so sorry,”  
“The saddest part is that he blames himself. And I’ve told him that it’s not his fault but he won’t stop guilt tripping himself,”  
“So, what are you going to do?” John asked.  
“I think we’re going to try and move forward the best we can. That’s all we can do. I don’t want to lose him or Freddie,”  
“Me neither,” John had tried to distance himself from the thought of Freddie dying, because it was way to much for him to bear. He couldn’t imagine playing songs without Freddie being at his side.  
“You still there?” Brian asked.  
“Yeah... just tired,”  
“Sorry for calling you so late. I wanted to wait til’ Rog was asleep,”  
“No, no, it’s fine. You can call me whenever you want,”  
“Thanks, Deaky,”  
“Anytime,”  
And with that they hung up.  
John reflected on how his life was supposed to go.   
He could recall his mother saying that even of he did join that small time band called Smile, he shouldn’t get his hopes up that it would take off. In fact many people immediately downgraded John when he told them he was a bassist for a band. They would be like, “How do you make money?” and, “Aren’t you too old to be fooling around with bands and music?”   
To which John would reply with, “I don’t see a problem with it,”  
When he was younger he had planned out his life. Looking back he saw that it consisted of being very British, very middle class, very straight, and where healthy men stayed healthy men. The one thing that carried over is that he wished for a normal healthy marriage, and he got that. He doesn’t complain about his life, he knows it could be much, much worse.   
In these trying times all he could do was try to keep sane. As all the rules around him were changing and the band wasn’t what it used to be. At least he had a loving wife and many great children.  
He knows that life is never going to go as planned, it has moments that are incomprehensible but that’s somewhat the meaning of life.  
All he can do now is hold to the ground. As everything he knew seems to be crumbling around him he has to keep his balance square. He has to keep his head held high as his heart falls out of sight. He just can hope that everything will be alright.  
“John?” Veronica was standing at the opposite end of the hallway in a robe, “Are you ok?”  
It wasn’t til’ she said that, that he noticed he was crying. He wiped the tears away with his sleeve, “Honestly? No, I’m fucking upset. Why when something finally good happens to us does that selfish prick of a god have to strike down some misfortune onto us?!”  
Veronica stepped closer to him, “What happened?”  
John rubbed his hand down his face, “Roger has it too. Who is it going to take next? Brian?!”  
“John, quiet down. You’re going to wake the children,” She said calmly   
From a darkened doorway Luke appeared, “Dad?”  
John turned around. His lip quivered and he hugged his son. Veronica looked at him sadly and wearily.   
“Are you ok?” his son asked.  
John pulled away, “Yeah, yeah, I’m just a little shaken that’s all. Why don’t you go back to bed?” He forced a smile.  
“...ok...” Luke went back to his room.  
John turned back to Veronica, “I’m sorry,” he murmured   
“Don’t be. It’s ok to be angry in these trying times,”  
“Why is this happening?”  
“I can’t answer, because I don’t know why this is happening. But I do know that you guys will get through it. You’ve been to hell and back and you’re bond is strong as ever,”  
“I’m terrified, Veronica. I’m terrified of losing Fred and Roger. I’m terrified of the world changing. I don’t even want to see what lies ahead because I’m terrified of what it is,”  
“It’s ok to be scared. It’s a normal emotion,”  
“But I want to be happy. Every moment with them is going feel like the last because I don’t know if they’ll make it through the night. I could wake up and learn either one of them is dead. I’m not ready for that,”  
“No one ever is,”  
“How are you so... collected?” He asked her  
“Because someone needs to be. I hate what’s happening just as much as you. Even though I’ll probably never understand the lengths of pain you and Brian feel,”  
John smiled faintly, “What would I do without you?”  
She returned the smile, “Crash and burn,”  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————John tried to sleep but every time he closed his eyes he saw what was inevitable. He didn’t know how much long they had left but he hoped nothing else bad would happen. Because if something did, well it would be too much for his heart to take. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Just to think, a decade ago they were all happy young men playing in venues together.  
Oh, how much had changed since then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you couldnt tell the first part of this chapter is based off of a song called ‘holding to the ground’ from a musical called falsettos.


	22. Days Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk  
> Help

-Roger pov-  
Sympathy sucked ass, and Freddie agreed. It was annoying whenever people were going out or doing something slightly rambunctious and they’d look back at you and think, “Will they be up to this,”.   
Almost every day would start out like this.  
Roger would wake up and get his sorry ass into the living room where he’d sit on the couch and the conversation would go something like this.  
“Good Morning,” Roger would say  
“Roger, you’re looking very good today. You should’ve seen yourself a week ago, man I nearly had a heart attack. But look at you! You seem to be on the road to recovery. It’s days like this that I almost really believe in God,”  
And then a little later John would stop by along with Freddie, “Hello,” John would say  
“Hey,” Roger would reply.   
John had learned how to cook and would bring plates upon plates of food for the four of them. Roger and Freddie would exchange looks to each other. They would practically sing praises to Freddie and Roger. They would roll their eyes knowing that they were lying. They weren’t getting better, only worse.  
Sometimes they’d try to play chess but Brian and John always let them win. It was tiring.   
They would keep on globing about how much “better” Freddie and Roger looked. It all mushed together after awhile. It started to feel like torture in some degree.  
The two of them were both surprised they hadn’t lashed out towards Brain and John. The knew that all their intentions were good but it was still hard to hear them reciting things that weren’t true over and over.  
Roger knew he was going to die and he swore if he died hearing all of this bullshit he was going to haunt them for life.  
Whenever Freddie and Roger got alone they would confide in each other.   
“I told them I didn’t want sympathy,” Freddie would say  
Roger nodded, “I feel like I’m in a hospital even though it’s my own house,”  
“It’s bullshit. We’re not dead yet!”  
Roger flew his hands up, “Exactly!”  
Freddie folded his arms, “It’s utter bullshit,”  
Roger agreed.  
The two would rant and vent for what seemed like hours.   
At first they kept their voice down so no one would hear them but later on they just decided not to give a shit.  
The day would end with John and Freddie going home, leaving Brian and Roger alone. Brian treated Roger like he was fragile.  
“It’s ok if you want to cry,” Brian had said.  
“Good thing, I don’t want to cry,” Roger would reply  
Brian would open his mouth as if to say something but he kept it to himself.  
-Brian pov-  
It was hard to see the thing you love slowly deteriorate. He was worried that one morning he’d wake up and Roger would be...   
He felt like he physically could not live without Roger. It was impossible. If he thought his depression was bad now he could just hardly imagine what it would be like once Freddie and Roger were gone.  
Thoughts, dark thoughts, had already managed to creep into Brian’s mind. He’d push them away but the intrusive thoughts still persisted on making feel emotionally defeated.   
Sometimes he could not even look at Roger without wanting to break down and cry. When he and Roger first formed Smile it was a liberating experience. If someone told him this was how their lives were going to turn out he would never believe it.  
He remembered the younger Roger, cocky, humorous, stubborn, hyperactive, and an amazing musician. Roger never told much about his personal life back then,other than the fact that he escaped an abusive household.  
Sometimes Brian could tell that Roger wanted to yell and chastise Brian for his current overprotective attitude. For some reason roger didn’t. Sure he’d give him the occasional eye roll, but nothing more.  
Roger was as defeated as Brian.  
Dark circles beneath his eyes became more visible as the days progressed.  
The truth was that things weren’t getting better, they were worsening. It was process that made Brian and John want to sob............ There so many things that they would never be able to say to them.  
So many things that never got to come into light.  
John seemed to be taking everything badly. Sometimes he would just stare off into space and Brian would have to get his attention.  
He was honestly worried about what might happen to John after... everything. John had always been quiet and soft spoken. Brian was afraid he may never speak again after things were said and done.  
John had told Brian in secret that he planned on not continuing playing in performances when Freddie and Roger were gone.  
“Can I tell you something, Bri?” John had asked one evening   
“Sure, anything,”  
“I used to like Freddie, you know like, like,”  
This was something that Brian had not expected to hear, “You what?!”  
“I mean, I don’t like him any more, obviously I’m very happy with Veronica and the kids. It’s just I can’t help but think what it might be like if things went differently, you know?”  
Brian did know. Sometimes he wonders what life may have been like if he never confessed to Roger. Maybe, just maybe this wouldn’t be happening to them.  
Isn’t their a name for that. When one act can dictate the entire future? Right, the butterfly affect.   
Brian sometimes felt like he wanted to punch a wall.  
But he had to stay strong, for Roger’s sake.  
Brian didn’t like the feeling that any moment could be the last, or whatever he might say to Roger would be the last interaction.   
It made him feel like there was a pit in his stomach growing bigger and bigger by the day. Why? Why is the world so cruel that it has to take the one thing that brought him any form of happiness in life. He fucking hated life.


	23. Unlikely Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know anymore

-Brian pov-  
Roger was in the hospital... They were practicing a new song that Brian had written when he just... collapsed. Brian had never felt so scared in his entire life.  
They were in the middle of the bridge when they heard a loud band. Brian spun around and saw Roger coughing up blood in a dazed state. John urgently called emergency services. Freddie had never looked so horrified. It was all like a scene from a nightmare or horror movie. They all tried whatever they could to stop Roger from losing to much blood. Brian had never cried so much.  
His heart was beating so fast in the ambulance. Roger tried to assure Brian he was fine but Brian was persistent to stay by his side no matter what. he was going to spend every moment of what time he had left with him. He didn’t want to not be there when his lover was in pain. Just the thought of Roger dying alone made him sick  
Brian, John, and Freddie had to pay the workers at the hospital not to release information to the public. Roger had begged Brian to let him go home but the doctor ordered a somewhat permanent stay.   
Brian tried to ask the doctor if that was really necessary, she told him unfortunately yes.  
When Brian told this to Roger, all Hell broke loose.  
“What the FUCK?!” He had yelled so loud that a nurse thought someone had died.  
“It’s just a precaution, darling,” Freddie assured.  
“Precaution my ass! I’m going to die here,”  
“Rog, don’t say that,” Brian urged  
“Well its true! I’m going to die, don’t try to sugarcoat it!”  
The room went cold, Roger’s words hanging in the air.  
“I’m tired, of you guys trying to make Fred and I feel better by saying all these ‘encouraging’ words. We are dying, and there’s absolutely nothing we can do. So why not just tell it like it is?”  
Brian didn’t know what to do, “I know that you don’t want us ‘lying’ but that’s all we can do during this. Times are changing and none of us know how to feel or what to do. Roger, I’ll start being more blunt with you, if that’s what you really want,”  
And with that they ended the conversation.  
-Roger pov-  
Roger was currently laying in the arms of Brian in the slightly uncomfortable hospital bed.  
“Who’d believe that we two would end up as lovers?” Brian asked softly  
“Do you want me to reply?”  
“Out of all the people its you and me, we’re passionately lovers,”  
Roger rolled his eyes, “Please, don’t get morbid,”  
“Right-,”  
“It’s just that I haven’t died yet,” He giggled, “I’m sick, but kicking,”  
They shared a smile, “You should go home Brian,”  
Brian shook his head, “I’m staying right here in this spot, whether you want me to or not. I’m staying,” he said firmly  
Roger sighed knowing it would take a lot to make Brian go home  
“Here I am by your side one old horny lover,”  
“Please go home and don’t be scared,”  
“What’s the fuss, I’m not scared. I wouldn’t be useful if I was scared now wouldn’t I? I’ll let you slap me or hold on to me for however long you need,”  
“I love you,” Roger said honestly   
“I love you too,”  
“Brian, just go home and turn on TV. Drink a little something til’ you’re dead think of me around. Sleeping soundly in our bed. Brian, are even listening?”  
“Just be quiet, go to sleep time we ran away from here. Roger I can’t help but feel I failed...”  
Roger hugged Brian tighter, “Let’s be scared together, we can pretend that nothing is awful. Let’s say we have nothing to fear, just stay right here. I love you,”  
The door slowly opened and the silhouette of two figures, John and Freddie.  
“Maybe he’s tired,” proposed John  
“Maybe he’s waiting for us,” added Freddie  
“Maybe he’s waiting for a visit,”  
John put his hands up, “We can come back if its a bad time,”  
Roger smiled and waved them over.  
The two sat down in the chair adjacent to the bed.  
Brian marveled at how their friendship had grown, “Look at us, four old friends. Four people who should’ve never had met. Four unlikely lovers,”  
“We don’t know what time will bring,” said John  
“I have a clue,” Roger replied  
“I have too,” chimed in Freddie  
“But we’ll act like we haven’t and each say nothing,”  
They then went on to say whatever came into their minds to prevent having a depressing discussion about death.  
Some of the conversation went like this.  
“Sky,”  
“It’s blue,”  
“I love the sky,” and etc  
But eventually the conversation directed back to the main point.  
“What a group we four are,” Brian said  
“Lets vow to never forget each other, alright?” Requested Freddie  
They all nodded  
“We have nothing to fear, if we all stay right here,” they all took hands   
“I love you,” they told each other whether if it was a romantic love towards each other or simply platonic.  
There was no doubt about it they were a phenomenon.  
Four misfits who in no way belong together preformed together, made incredible music together, and they did things that no one could’ve ever imagined.   
But nothing good lasts forever. And they knew this so they were going to make the most of what little time they had left.  
John and Freddie eventually left. Leaving Brian and Roger alone in the room.  
“...Brian?” Roger said after a few minutes   
“Yes?” Replied the other  
“Please, for me go home. I can tell that you’re tired and I don’t want you to suffer for me,”  
Brian scoffed, “I’m not suffering,”  
“Please, just go. It’ll make me happy,”  
“I’m staying with you,”  
“You are so persistent,”  
Brian smiled, “I know,”  
“They might kick you out your know, visiting hours are long over,”  
“Do I look like I care?”  
Roger laughed, “No,”


	24. You Gotta Die Sometime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger has a semi-breakdown

-Roger pov-  
Roger had finally convinced Brian to go home. Roger hadn't been able to fall asleep in the past eight hours. He groaned.  
Everything hurt, all the time. He hated feeling like he had no control. He hated knowing that everything he had ever done in his life led up to this. he tried to think back when everything went wrong. When he was...kidnapped, Roger hadn’t thought about that on quite nearly a year. He had finally managed to heal from all of trauma given to him in that time. But the moment he finally felt ok he was diagnosed with goddamn acquired immune deficiency. And now the entire press is speculating about which members of Queen have been diagnosed. It’s not even their business to want to know! Roger wanted it all to end. It was a painful life to live at the moment.  
The sun was starting to peak through the old cream colored hospital blinds. Roger shut his yees and rolled away from them. He sat up to cough and was unfazed about the blood that came out his mouth. It was normal to him now. He was dying what else could he do. He could feel his body deteriorating and it scared him. He couldn’t even hit the notes in lap of the gods which he was once able to do without problem.  
He reflected on the past few weeks and how tiring and stressful they had been.  
For instance when the doctor told him he was going to pass away he simply replied with, “Doctor, in plain English, tell me why was I chosen why me of all men? Doctor here’s the good part at least death means I’ll never be scared about dying again,” He said with a chuckle  
He just wants to live his truths with what time he has left, and not act like he’s fine. Because death was certainly going to come. But when it did come knocking down his door he’d go with grace.  
He imagined death, not as a friend, but he did hope in the end that death would be kind and not let him suffer. He hoped that death would raise him up into whatever afterlife. And then everything would go black and he’d be free.  
Life sucks. People always hate the loser and they hate lame ducks.  
Roger laughed dryly, “I stopped smoking and doing drugs but then here comes this bad news,” He flailed his arms up, “I quit!”  
There was nothing he could’ve done to avoid this, he came to realize. He desperately wanted some miracle to save him and Freddie but his body was failing more and more everyday. It seemed there really was nothing that they could do. Except sit and wait for death to take their souls away. He wanted to know that Brian would carry on even after Roger’s death. He wanted Brian to live his life to the fullest without him. He wanted Brian to get married and have kids even, do the things he was never able to do with Roger.  
Roger knew that Brian wouldn’t want to move on. But he wanted to let him know that he could move on.   
Nothing lasts forever, especially life. We all have a time limit that grows shorter each day.  
“This is some shitty karma for what an asshole I’ve been,” He sighed, “I just want to fall apart but I have to keep my cool. I would sob If I could but it does no damn good! To explain I’m a man in my ‘prime’,”  
Death started to feel like a release to Roger. All the things he once thought about with dread now became delight.  
He hopes that when he does die that its in a graceful manner, to go out without care, his head high in the air. It’s the last little mountain hell climb.  
He wrapped his arms around himself and repeated one simple phrase, “You gotta die sometime,” as the tears came and rolled down his rose colored cheeks.  
His lips were chapped and faded and he felt tired. He... he hadn’t even told his sister yet. She probably thought he was fine and just taking a break from being in the public eye. He felt slightly guilty for cutting off ties with her. He felt guilty for a lot of things in a matter of fact. Being in the hospital gave him a lot of time to regret all of past life choices. He would ask himself what the band would be like if he hadn’t been the drummer for smile. He wondered if they would’ve been better off without him.  
He was cold and shaking he just wanted everything to be over. Why was life being such a bitch?! Who the hell gave them the right to pick and choose who they take from the world?!  
Roger shook his head and got out of bed. He stumbled over to the window. He raised the blinds and saw a very gorgeous sunrise.  
He smiled faintly.   
That’s when he realized something, he needed to do now last thing before he passed. He garbed the nearest pin and some Paper and vigorously started to write lyrics and chords down to a song that had lived dormant in his mind for awhile now. He wanted to go out doing what he loved the most.  
Playing the drums in a bad surrounded by people he loved and loved him back.  
That’s what he wanted his legacy to be.  
But what is a legacy?  
It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see. It’s writing something that gets passed down from generation to generation. It’s when you know you’ve made a difference in the world. When people can look up to you. It’s leaving your fingerprints all around the world.   
The timer on his life was ticking, ticking, ticking til’ there were no ticks left and death came.  
“God,” he sighed, “Now is not the time to be an intellectual,”


	25. A New Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAhA

-Brian pov-  
Brian was walking towards Roger's hospital room when he was stopped in the hallway by a doctor who he'd had come to know as Dr. Charlotte.   
"Look," She began, "I don't want to be the giver of bad news but," Brian already didn't like where this was going, "As you know this new viral disease that we've discovered travels as you know from one man to another... I just suggest you get tested,"  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
"Are you sure?" Brian had asked after Roger proposed that he wanted to record a new song.  
"Yes, I'm sure. I want to make one last song before I... You know,"  
Brian nodded, "Well what is the song called?"  
"Northern Downpour,"  
Roger handed Brian the paper which he had written the lyrics, "Most of the lyrics are just scribbled down, but I thought it would be a duet between you and me. Freddie can play piano if he likes,"  
Brian skimmed over the words. They sounded like beautiful poetry, "Rog, this sounds amazing,"  
Roger shrugged, "I don't know, I've done better,"  
Brian shook his head, "It's one of the bests you've written. It's definitely better than 'I'm In Love With My Car',"  
Roger rolled his eyes,  "It's a metaphor, Brian,"  
"Yes, but for what?"  
"My sexuality, duh!"  
Brian thought for moment, "Oh, that makes sense now,"  
"Yeah, so I guess it was pretty good anyways,"  
"I guess,"  
"So is Fred up for it?"  
"I asked him a bit ago and he said and I quote, 'Fuck yes darling,',"  
"Sounds like him,"  
"So, are you up for this?"  
"Definitely,"  
Brian and Roger smiled.  
As they waited for the other members to arrive they recalled some of their fondest memories together.  
"Do you remember that one time I hid in the cupboard?" Asked Roger  
Brian laughed, "How could I forget. You were so pissed that Freddie wouldn't put 'I'm In Love With My Car' on the B-side that you just locked yourself in their. I thought we were going to have to hire a professional negotiator to get you out. Of course Freddie eventually gave in and gave you what you want,"  
"Remember when we first preformed together?" Asked Brian  
Roger nodded, "I had never been more terrified. We were doing it for some campus talent night. It was breathtaking to see people actually applaud  because they liked it not just because they felt obligated,"  
————————  
Roger hit the drum and immediately felt at home. He let out a sigh of relief.  
"Ok, we have seven hours to record all of this," Freddie announced.  
"Meaning, we have to give it our all," Roger added  
The first part that they started with was the guitar, which is what to song begins with.  
The lyrics go as followed:  
If all our life is but a dream  
Fantastic posing greed  
Then we should feed our jewelery to the sea  
For diamonds do appear to be  
Just like broken glass to me  
And then she said she can't believe  
Genius only comes along  
In storms of fabled foreign tongues  
Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs  
Northern downpour sends its love  
Hey moon, please forget to fall down  
Hey moon, don't you go down  
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'  
Weather-vanes my one and lonely  
The ink is running toward the page  
It's chasin' off the days  
Look back at both feet  
And that winding knee  
I missed your skin when you were east  
You clicked your heels and wished for me  
Through playful lips made of yarn  
That fragile Capricorn  
Unraveled words like moths upon old scarves  
I know the world's a broken bone  
But melt your headaches, call it home  
Hey moon, please forget to fall down  
Hey moon, don't you go down  
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'  
Weather-vanes my one and lonely  
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'  
Weather-vanes my one and lonely  
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'  
Weather-vanes my one and lonely  
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'  
Weather-vanes my one and lonely  
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'  
Weather-vanes my one and lonely  
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'  
Weather-vanes my one and lonely  
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'  
Weather-vanes my one and lonely  
Hey moon, please forget to fall down  
Hey moon, don't you go down  
You are at the top of my lungs  
Drawn to the ones who never yawn

Now there was probably some deeper meaning to all of it, but Roger decided just not to mention it.  
It had a slight different tone from most of the songs they played but it was nice. It had a lowly feel that just made everyone feel nostalgic for some reason.  
It had been nearly seven hours and 45 minuets before they finished, everyone seemed tired.  
Roger yawned and clocked out for the night.  
Brian was going to stay and speak with everyone else but that's when he heard it.  
Roger started coughing in the hallway, then a loud thunk, and then silence.  
It was the type of silence that was unnerving and made your blood run cold.  
Brian jumped up from his seat and ran out the door. He was shaking.  
When he finally came across Roger on the floor he wanted to sob wight then and there.   
He fell on his knees and pulled Roger into his arms. He was limp, like a rag doll. Brian's lip quivered, "Rog?" His eyes were shut tightly and he was cold, too cold. Brian couldn't feel a pulse. Tears streamed down Brian's face.  
"Rog... baby, please open your eyes. Rog, Roger!" Brian could've screamed his name til' his throat bled, "Roger, wake up. Please wake up!" He sobbed. He pulled Roger into a tight embrace and cried out. "Somebody help me!" His voice cracked mid sentence.  
John and Freddie rushed in.  
"We have to save him. We have to get him help!" Cried Brian, "We can still save him. He'll be ok,"  
John started crying on the spot. Freddie was petrified, "Brian, darling,"  
Brian looked up, "Yes?"  
Freddie took a heavy shaken breath, "Darling, he's dead,"  
The words struck Brian through the heart.  
Paramedics ran into the room and Brian had to be pulled away from the body as a white sheet was pulled over Rogers head. Brian watched as they rolled his lovers corpse away.


	26. What Would I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTT

-Brian pov-  
The following words haven’t been confirmed to be reality, a hallucination, or simply a dream. But it feels so very real to Brian. It starts as a song and goes from there.

Brian stood alone in the house he had once shared with his lover. He had cried for nearly 24 hours. He listened to music, that always made him feel better and eventually a song came to mind.   
He took in a shaky breath, “What Would I do if I. Had not met you? Who would I blame my Life on? Once I was told that all men get what they deserve; who the hell then through this curve? There are no answers but what would I do if you had not been my friend? You’re the only one, one out of a thousand others. When I’m having fun you’re the one I want to talk to. Where have you been? Where are you now? Who would I be if I had not loved you? How would I know what love is? God only knows, too soon I’ll remember your faults. Meanwhile though, its tears and schmalz. There are no answers but what would I do if you had not been my friend?”

And then as if on cue, a somewhat imaginary Roger appeared before Brian and began singing the other half of the song, “All your life you’ve wanted men. And when you got it I up to have them who knew it would end your life,” He smiled sadly

Brian added, “I faced the pain I faced the strife, to be with you to be insulted be such handsome men,”

“Do you regret?”

“I’d do it again,” He placed a hand on Roger’s cheek, “I’d like to believe that I’d do it again and again and again,”

Then they sang in unison, “And what more can I say,”

“How can I face tomorrow?” Brian sang mournfully 

They sang once more together, “After being screwed out of today. Tell me what’s in store. Yes I’d beg or steal or borrow...”

Brian’s tone became bitter sweet, “If I could hold you for one hour more,”

“One hour more,”

“One hour more, one hour more,”

They sang in perfect harmony with each other, “What would I do If I had not seen you? Who would I face my eyes on?” The music slowed down and became more depressing, “Once I was told that good men get better with age,”

“We’re just gonna skip that stage,” Brian finished

Roger smiled sadly at him, “There are no answers but what would I do? 

“But what would I do if you had not been my friend?”

“There are no answers but what would I do?” Roger echoed as his image started to ripple away

Brian shook his head tears falling from his eyes, “No simple answers but what would I do? If you had not been my friend? My friend, my friend?” He sat down in the nearest chair and sobbed into his hands.

*Two Weeks Later*

Brian sat at their home... his home. He could still feel Roger’s aura around the house. His drums were left untouched in the corner and Brian had refused to move anything that belonged to Roger. He had fallen into major depressive state. He didn’t want to talk, eat, or sleep. He didn’t want to do anything normal because he felt that in some way he was betraying Roger.  
John had taken it badly as well. He just had been disassociating for the past week. Veronica said she was very worried about his mental health. Freddie was trying very hard the cheer them up in whatever way he could.  
But nothing could replace the hole that Roger had left in all of them.

But today would be the first day Brian would be getting out of the house ever since Roger had died. That is because today was his funeral.  
Brian managed to find an all black suit in the back of his closet, behind the suit Roger wore when he confessed his feelings to Brian.  
He put on the suit but felt no emotion.

A small knock came from the front door. It was Freddie who had offered to take Brian to the funeral.  
Jim was driving and Brian sat in the back seat with Freddie, although they didn’t speak to each other.

Upon arrival Roger’s face was plastered everywhere. His blonde hair and ocean blue eyes made Brian want to cry. He knew he’d never be able to see him in person again. He’d never be able to hold him again.

He was going to have to go his entire life without his soulmate. Brian clutched his sleeves and kept walling with his head down. He could hear people around him murmur about his relationship with the deceased. 

He looked up for a moment only to spot Roger’s father. They made eye contact and he marched up to Brian, “You!” He yelled, “You’re the little bastard who turned my son into a homosexual! You fucking f*g!” 

A crowd started to grow around them. Brian wanted to yell at the older man. He wanted to say, “I haven’t done anything! You’re the one who abused him to the point of him javelin depression!” But Brian kept his mouth shut and kept walking.

He could hear sobs from people he didn’t even know. He searched for John and Veronica.

He finally spotted John beside the open casket. Brian had been avoiding the casket because he didn’t want to see his love in such a state. He could hear John crying.

Brian walked up to him. He didn’t know what to say so he hugged him. John sobbed loudly. People looked over at them but moved along.

“Remember how I said I wasn’t going to play again?” Asked John when they finally pulled away

Brian nodded

“Well I’m sticking with what I said. I can’t go on playing with anyone else, it just wouldn’t feel right,”

“I respect your decision,”

The two spoke for a while before John met up with Veronica.

Brian looked in the casket, “Hey, Rog. I miss you, we all do. I hope that you’re happy where ever you are. And I want you to know that you did not die in vain. I love you,”

And in a quiet voice, so quiet that it could’ve been the wind, Brian could’ve sworn he heard a voice reply, “I love you too, Bri,”


End file.
